My son has adhd. What are some coping strategies?

He is nine now. He failed a grade this year. He refuses to do anything that takes any effort whatsoever. He is usually in a glazed over state. If I ask him to complete a task he gives me a blank stare. He will meltdown if I ask him more than one question. If he is in one of his moods he won't even answer if he would like a drink. Any time I correct him he slumps on the floor, and won't move. He doesn't think he is responsible for any of his actions. He won't admit to any of his misbehavior. He lies constantly. I'm most fearful of those traits.If he doesn't feel accountable for any actions,what exactly will he do as time progresses? All my time is spent teaching him why what he did was wrong.I don't even sweat the small stuff like making a mess.I am addressing things like hitting, screaming in peoples faces,and the lying. My husband/his dad tries very hard to help, but he's at a loss as well. We feel like total failures. Everyone suggests medication, but is that admitting defeat?

He also seems to have a few ticks, like he repeats the ending syllable of his words, flicks his head up but only under stress, and licks his lips-yes more than normal.

Medication is an easy answer. And it might be worth looking into. I have personally found medication is NOT a good answer for what i wish to do with my son. We use scheduling, diet and therapy ( private counseling, family counseling, occupational therapy, and sensory therapy) to deal with our son. Consistency and structure are the most important thing to raise an ADHD child. Without those 2 things you can NOT win with this child. Schedule his day down to the minute and keep things routine for him. If there is a change in schedule discuss it with him and go over the rules constantly. We posted household rules on posterboard and placed one in the diningroom, familyroom and his bedroom. He isnt treated special simply because he has a disorder. He is still expected to maintain himself. And if he cant he knows trouble will follow. Dont sweat the small stuff. Homework, cleanliness of his room, and irritating behavior are normal. If he lies punish him. If hes screaming and hitting remove him from the area. If need be pick him up and move him. We found holding our son until he calms works for us. It might be worth a try. If he doesnt feel accountable for any of his actions im sorry to say more than likely its because he isnt consistently held responsible for them. Pick 1 focus and keep working on it til that behavior changes. It takes weeks to change a behavior. You cant fix everything at once. If you are working on too many issues he isnt going to see consistency in your actions.

EDIT: btw children with ADHD frequently have issues ranging from over enunciation, repeating sylables and even speaking in a monotone. Some have ticks or even will beat their head on objects like walls. And many have oral fixations such as licking their lips, chewing pencils, or even thumb sucking. Its fairly normal. If he hasnt been tested by a behavior psychologist i would suggest that as your first course of action. ADHD diagnosed by a pediatrician is usually not a safe diagnosis. Too many disorders have the exact same symptoms in children.

EDIT AGAIN: GarnetAir is absolutely right. Do NOT spank your child for his ADHD behavior. He should be expected to maintain himself and behave with proper parenting and expectations but to physically punish him for not complying is wrong. ADHD children are NOT intentionally naughty and do not deserve that. It would be like beating a parapellegic with a tire iron for asking where the wheelchair ramp is.

Have you ever considered that you son may be autistic? Often times autism and ADHD go hand-in-hand. My son (age 8) has some of these traits, but after finally getting him diagnosed with autism he was able to get the help he needed. He has been on medication for nearly two years and all of his teachers say that they have seen a marked improvement not only in his behaviors, but also in his ability to perform in the classroom.

adhd is a sorry azz excuse for a child to misbehave...every time a kid is bad in school they wanna cry adhd...get the hell outta here....u need to do how we do in the caribbean and leave the drugs alone

edit...we use a tree bark

just dont give him drugs. my mom thinks i have add and i never failed a grade or anything and im not distracted and now im in 7th grade and im 11 yrs old. and i dont slump on the floor too.

Hi Distress, I agree with an earlier comment that using medication is NOT admitting defeat. Under the care of a doctor skilled in ADHD, your son will get well using meds. Here are my 2 suggestions on what you can do next:

(1) Read up on ADHD. By arming yourself on ADHD facts, and not myths, you will know your options better and will be able to make informed decisions later on. You can get good info on ADHD in this easy to navigate site:

http://www.adhdquestionsandanswers.com

(2) Take him to see a doctor who is trained to handle ADHD and other behavioural cases. Most of them are not. Generally, the one with the most training are child psychiatrists. Ask around your circle of friends, relatives, colleagues etc for a referral. Getting the wrong doctor may end up with a wrong diagnosis which can be dangerous. For example, some experts believe that if a child has, say, bipolar disorder but the doctor misdiagnose it as ADHD and prescribed stimulant medication, that poor child may become manic, depressed or even suicidal.

Distress, I wish your son good health and a successful future. Have a nice day.

My nine-year-old daughter will be tested for ADHD, in 2 weeks, and, if she has it, we will most likely get her medication... Now, I am someone who feels that kids are over-medicated, these days, want to avoid it at all costs, etc... However, if it will help, then, why not? I won't go into it, blindly; I will ask lots of questions, pick the one that is known to have the least amount of side effects, but, I want my sweet daughter back! If she has an imbalance, then it's my job to help her, just as it is your job to help your son... Get over the stigma, and focus on getting him help. It's not 'admitting defeat,' it's being responsible, and doing what's best for your child... Good luck.

*edited to add* As far as the ticks, it may be Tourette's, as my two older children have it, and it can go along with ADHD and OCD (they have OCD, as well)... Do take him to a Neurologist, if you haven't, already; they will go over all your options... Also, my nephew has ADHD, and now that he's been on meds, his behavior is SO much better, and he's much happier.

*edited again* Wow, spanking a child, because they have ADHD, and nothing is being done about it... Remarkable.

Speaking as someone who grew up with ADD, medication is NOT accepting defeat. Even if you are leery of the perscriptions, there are all natural alternatives as well. I will tell you this much. When I first started taking Ritalin, it was like suddenly the world made sense. I was able to actually sit in class AND pay attention to the teacher, it was amazing! Along with a few studying tricks and habits I even managed to make it through college without medication (less than 15% of students with ADD/ADHD complete college). Medication is NOT a permanet solution, it is a tool....a means to an end. It is meant to give you a chance to get a hold of yourself and develope alternative methods for living each day. For example, I start every morning with coffee....not because it wakes me up but because it allows me to focus. Caffiene works in much the same way as many of the medications do. For people with ADD/ADHD ritalin is a downer...for everyone else it's an upper. Do your research (lord knows there is plenty of info on the web now) try a few things and make a decision that works best for your son. No one is the same. But PLEASE believe me that medication is not accepting defeat. Good luck, I wish you and your son all the best.

Edit* Routine, routine, routine....is how I exist every day! It forces things into small boxes that I can efectively deal with without becoming overwhelmed

I have two sons that are ADHD. This is how I would approach fixing him:

1) Give a warning first. Explain the action that was wrong and let him know what will happen the next time.

2) No warning here, take the child by the arm, (he will fight you) bare his bottom and secure him. Give him a good 5 or 6 swats until he is crying and promising to be good.

3) Sit him down, tell him you love and let him knows this is what happens when he's naughty from now on.

It works like a charm.