My daughter is 17 and all we do is fight, She is ADHD, and has migranes, I suffer depression, HELP?

WE ARE BOTH BEING TREATED FOR OUR CONDITONS. SHE SAYS SHE IS TRYING HARD BUT SHE FAILS ALL HER CLASSES, NEVER FINISHES ANYTHING. SHE SAID ALL I DO IS YELL AT HER AND THAT I DO NOT SEE ANY GOOD IT HER. PLEASE ONLY SERIOUS ANSWERS. I CAN NOT GET HER TO DO ANYTHING. I HAVE TAKEN EVERYTHING AWAY. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I AM DOING WRONG. I LOVE HER SO MUCH AND I HATE FIGHTING WITH HER....................................

first sit down and tell her how you feel. Nothing negative. Dont tell her what she doesn't do that you cant get her to do anything etc. Tell her that you love her and you hate fighting with her. That this isn't how you want things to be between the two of you. Tell her why you love her. Her good qualities that you see. Tell her that you miss her and that your sorry for the way things are going and for any way you may have hurt her. Make that disscusion about how much you love her, the good in her, how you want things to be better, and how you are sorry for whatever you may have done. Do not tell her you did this because she..... fill in the blank. For whatever reason she feels like you think shes bad and she feels you hurt her. If you bring up the negative things she does or make an apology for hurting her (even unintentionally] and tack on because she did... blank... she will still feel that you see bad in her and think the issues are her fault and that you feel justified in hurting her feelings.

Then let her talk. Tell her that you want to know how she feels. What she thinks is causing the problems between you two and what she thinks would make things better.

She is 17 she wants to be engaged in an adult fashion. Be calm and have a serious discussion. But every kid no matter how old wants their parents love respect and affection too. She likely hates fighting with you and loves and misses you as much as you do her. She feels misunderstood and a disappointment to you. She misses you telling her you love her or your proud of her or going out and doing things together. Because she feels she is disappointing or bad and missing this positive affirmation and show of love and affection she has no motivation to do better. She feels youve written her off and that nothing she does is right why bother.

You obviously haven't done so but her feelings are that you have and her feelings need to be heard and acknowledged. If she feels that you do love her see the good in her and are sorry for whatever may have hurt her that youve heard and listened to her and that you follow through with continued positive affirmations and signs of affection she will desire to do better. She will want to live up to the respect pride and love that you give her. She will want to be better because you believe she is and she knows it.

Im no psychologist but when I was a teenager my mother and I fought CONSTANTLY. I was a good kid. Honor roll Respectful. But it never seemed enough. She just yelled and yelled and yelled. And I hated her for it. I never really hated her I really wanted to talk to her have a relationship with her for her to be proud of me want to spend time with me to listen to me. But it didnt happen. When i did good it wasnt noted. I heard a great deal however about anything negative or bad. Anytime I wanted to share feelings she wouldn't understand and shed just tell me.... well if you wouldnt.... and then the yelling. I am 23 now and I rarely speak to my mother. I love her sure and we dont fight when we do but I dont really know her and she doesnt know me....she never seemed to "be there".

The advice I gave you is just what I would have wished my mother would have done with me when I was home and our situation was like yours.

ps my mother is bipolar and so am I.

It sounds like you need to sit her down and have a serious talk with her (probably one of many). Tell her how you are feeling and let her tell you how she is feeling... Don't let her get upset and walk away! And, yes, ADHD is hard to handle, but at the same time she is old enough to have some self-control and get her work done. The part where she says she doesn't feel like you see any good in her is her way of wanting attention. Maybe you should make her go see a family counselor with you or even suggest changing her medication.

i think that a mother shouldnt yell at her kids.
i think the parents need to be friends with their kids and also be a parent to them.im 16 years old and my parents are my best friends.i can tell them anything that is going on in my life.and they help me through making the right decision.i think you should try to talk to your daughter(calmly) and listen to her.give her advice.that will help her.Sometimes us(kids/teens)need to be grounded for our mistakes,but yelling doesnt get you to nothing.Yous hould really talk to her.She should help you also if you are suffering depression.Don't make life hard.Don't try to be negative,because everything can be wrong(trust me).and if shes failing her classes help her out.make it fun so that she can be more intersted in it.

HUGS! First Pray your situation. Are you involved with a Church. If not I would suggest you and your daughter attending. Tell your daughter your not going to back down and your going to stay on her until she starts doing better! Let her know you want give up on her! I can tellu when I was 17 my mom and I always fought! But we are the best of friends now. But she made sure I knew she meant business and she never backed down, never did my dad. Also maybe you both seeing a counselor together!

She is a teenageer her horimones are rageing and she is trying to figure out who she is just try to hold in your anger and listen to what she has to say, try being a friend instead of mom and dont yell because she will resent you for it good luck.

She needs a Father figure.

I might be able to help as I have a 16 almost 17 year old daugther who also has migraines, and I've dealt with depression for over 40 years. You say that your daughter is being treated for her migraines Do you mean before or after she gets them??? My daughter has been on preventive medications so that she doesn't get migraines as much. She takes two medications for them topamax and neurontion.She's been on medication for it since she was 5. She's also a child with Learning disabilities, have you had your daughter evaluated by a psychologist for depression,? You say that she rarely completes things an in ability to focus can be one of the signs of depression in teenagers. Also you're being treated for depression does that include talk thearpy so that you have someone to vent to besides your daughter??
It's possible that you're daughter has inherited your tendency towards depression and she's having trouble dealing with it. You don't say if she's been treated for any psychological issues. You might also want to take her to a neurologist if she's not seeing one for the migraines. That's who my daughter sees for hers and who put her on the preventive medications. She still gets headaches when she's really stressed but not as frequently or as bad as before the medications.
She also deals with depression and is being treated for that, she goes to a school for kids with LD's so that's also covered. I'm not saying that your daughter has them just that it might be a problem especially if she' always had difficulty in school. The other option that you have you might want to think about some family therapy and see if some of the issues between you can be dealt with. It might help both of you if you each has someone else to vent to besides each other.