She takes things away from him. Has tried numerous things to motivate him. rewards stickers, etc. She needs to get control of him now or she will loose him. What can we do? Won't go and brush teeth when told, tells her what to do rudely, Doesn't do unless coaxed or prodded. I see you've gotten a lot of advice regarding ways of discipline and reward, so I won't go into that again (although I just have to say that I don't agree with the getting physical advice, that just sounds cruel and will only cause the child to disrespect and/or fear his mother).
My advice is, regardless of whether he is on scheduled medicine, to get him an Omega 3 supplement. Our nervous systems are dependent on fat (the myelin sheath surrounding the nerves are made of fat) and without enough fatty acids found in deep-sea fish like tuna, mackerel or herring, those fatty sheats dry out and cause the nerves to function less well. We are supposed to eat those kinds of fish three times a week in order to get the necessary amount of fatty acids!
Make sure you buy a good quality product without additives and preservatives (has a very negative effect on concentration) - for example, avoid ones that taste like chocolate! He will need to take in at least 1 to 2 grams of omega 3 per day. There are 8 types of Omega 3, EPA and DHA being the most common found in supplements. Look at the back of the bottle and add up the milligrams of EPA, DHA, APA and other omegas to make sure it's at least 1 gram. I am 99.99% sure that you will see the difference in your child once he has been on this supplement for a while (try it for at least a month). It is completely safe and there are no side effects. But make sure you buy a good quality product, because pirate products will have no effect whatsoever. The supplements can be expensive, but it is worth it!
Also, make sure you avoid food with additives and preservatives, especially MSG. Bright orange and red foods usually contain preservatives, e.g. red cooldrink, orange chips, many tomato sauces, viennas, polonies, some salt and spices.
If he is a poor eater, consider getting him a multivitamin as well, to supplement the minerals and vitamins that he doesn't get through food. Especially one with choline and isotol will also aid in concentration and decreasing distractibility.
Good luck! At this age, children are prone to having power struggles with whoever seems to them as an authority.
Essentially, if he doesn't hear you, its because he doesn't want to hear you.
Basically, the only way to really control him is to subside to his ways, resisting where necessary, and occasionally remind him who is in control.
This is usually a phase children grow out of, though if not handled carefully they can become rather spoiled and used to that level of acceptance.
For brushing the teeth, I'd suggest just being blunt with him. If you don't want to brush your teeth, fine, don't cry to me when your teeth rot and fall out. ;) Then proceed to show them pictures of people with horrible teeth, letting them know this is their future they're looking at.
I've found bluntness to be the best method of getting attention when it comes to children... Is he on medication? If he is, then it is time to switch because it isn't working.
My middle son has ADD and had many of the same problems. Brushing his teeth was the worse! I finally took him and let him pick out his own tooth brush, tooth paste and mouthwash. For some reason something so simple made such a big difference.
If your daughter does not want to medicate her child (Understandable at his age) there are other ways to help the child.
http://health.msn.com/health-topics/adhd...
http://health.usnews.com/articles/health...
Most of the drugs my son tried had negative effects on him. He became very depressed even suicidal on one. He was violent when he took another. The only one that really worked with him was ritalin. When he was 15 he decided he was sick of taking medicine and we modified his diet. It hasn't been perfect, but for him it is working. The best way to get kids under control is physical. I don't mean spanking or hitting. Push-up's, 20 push up's every time he tells you no. If that doesn't work shave his head.After that if he is still not doing what hes told then you take the door off his room and everything in it. You leave him with a pelow blanket and one pair of close. He will begin to relies that by not honoring the authority's put in front of him he will have nothing. Oh and a funny thing you can do also is to take his hair after is head is shaved put it in a glass jar, write on the jar what he did and put it on the fridge as a reminder to him. Time out is not working I'm assuming?
First I would remind him that if he doesn't brush his teeth there could be consequences that happen later such as cavities, especially if he doesn't like the dentist. If the problem is that he won't brush his teeth before bed, sometimes deciding that if he doesn't have his teeth brushed in time, he will have to go to bed earlier the next night. Turn off the TV at least an hour before he has to go to bed as well, it might help remove a distraction.
Exercise does wonders for all children's behavior as well. I suggest a martial art or swimming, or some other structured activity. By letting him make some goals for himself, he can feel accomplished, and the exercise will help him burn off extra energy and aggression. I know how frustrating this can be. My son now 26 is mentally handicapped and there's times when he is still such a little kid. He was also told at an early age that he has ADHD. Most medicine did not work. I learned that what he drank and ate effected him in different ways, The stuff that made him crazy were eliminated. Anything that had red dye in made him really crazy. I did alot of reward programs too and found that the ones that really worked were the ones he helped set the consequences for. If he made it though each day with a smiley face then he got to do something he liked or he picked out a movie for the family. If he didn't, then he knew exactly what his consequences were because he helped set them up.
As far as brushing his teeth, I got a picture from his dentist of nasty teeth and put it in the bathroom so he could see it ever day. I also took him to pick out his own tooth brush and tooth paste. That seemed to a big help.
I've learned that consistancy was the key to help him be a productive adult. Now he works and is doing much better. He still lives home and probably always will.
All kids are worth fighting for and even though times get really crazy don't give up. I will keep you family in my prayers. Why not make things a game until a routine is formed?
I bet i can brush my teeth better than you! Have fun getting foamy toothpaste dripping from your mouth. Or i bet i can brush my teeth longer than you. They have blinking toothbrushes that blinks for the exact length of time you are supposed to brush your teeth. Buy the cool blue rinse aid that shows where he needs to brush more.
I have a daughter with ADD and she used to have serious issues whenever i asked her to do something. It usually turned into a power struggle. Making it fun lightened things up, got her to do what i wanted and we usually ended up laughing so hard we were rolling around on the floor.
best wishes. My nephew has ADHD and she had alot of problems with him not listening and being destructive, she went to her family doc and got him put on meds and a referral to see a children's behavioral psychologist who gave her some insight on how to deal with him when he's being defiant or destructive as well as when he's being good.... He's improved alot... still has his moments but it's worth a shot. Take him to a therapist. They can help a LOT!!! my son is 8 and 1 of a twin, he has seers ADHD and aspergers syndrome and i find it very hard now at the age he is to punish him.. Sadly it really won't get any easier, i won't lie and say as they get older it gets better.
Its so hard to punish a child who can just forget or choose to forget what you said. People who don't understand the disability find it frustrating and that they are just dealing with a naughty child but thats not the case, there is a part in there brain that the way my sons doctor decribes as living in a bubble in a world of there own..
For example if you say to a child 'don't touch the cooker its hot' they will have o touch that cooker to find out for themselfs.
When my son is very naughty we have to get him to sit in corner and face wall but only in extreme case apart from that you have to get on there level, hold there head still so they can't move and keep saying look at me in the eyes and explain what they have done, what could happen, and not to do it again and keep repeating till they can tell you what they did and what will happen.
As for brushing teeth you have to go to bathroom with the child and explain again what will happen to teeth if you don't and brush teeth together. Its all about trying to reach them on there level.
It is not easy but i am lucky that i have had a few years to get into a routine( which is the most important thing as ADHD children like a routine)
if you would like any more information don't hesitate to get in touch, good luck x First, she will need to be very patient and consistent with him. She needs to show that she is in control of her emotions, even if he is not. If he does not want to do something, she can talk to him and see if she can find out why, or help him to understand why it is important. She will need to speak calmly with him. If he is rude or misbehaves, she will need to calmly take him to his room or a time out. He may object, but she needs to get him there until he understands that he is behaving inappropriately. He may make a lot of noise, give her trouble on the way or most likely while in his room, but she will maintain her composure and then wait it out until he has calmed down. A time out must last the time allotted, and the child must remain in the time out the whole time or add time onto it if they don't. Remaining in their own room is often a bit easier. It will depend upon the child. Later when enough time has elapsed for things to calm down, she can then talk to him and help him to understand a better way to do things, with no demeaning elements to the conversation. If she has made any mistakes, that is also a good time to admit what it may have been and appologize if necessary (during that particular episode), so he understands that people take responsibility for their actions, even adults.
She also should remove all sugary things from his diet: soda pop, Koolaid, juice drinks (partly sugar), cookies, cakes, etc. as well as wheat products. Peanut products can be especially problematic for ADHD kids and can cause outbursts for some, and some foods also include peanut oils in them which can be problems, too. She can look up the book called, "Allergies and the Hyperactive Child", by Dr. Doris Rapp through used online booksites. I found this book extremely helpful. It is written in a very easy to understand format and gives many helpful insights. Well worth it. A trampoline is also a great way for active kids to get energy out. They just love it and so do their friends, as they jump, talk, jump, laugh, jump again. Have her also help him to find things he loves to do and engage him in those activities. Lots of praise for the things and efforts he makes toward doing what he is told to do or what he has tried to do well, even if it is just in the attempt. Have her sit down and read to him often, get books he loves about things he loves. |
