Difficult dealing with girlfriends 20 yr old son who has anxiety disorder?

i live with a friend who has a 20 year old that has anxiety disorder. i have been here a year and find it very difficult to deal with. He doesn't have a job because he has a hard time dealing with people and only drives to where he is familiar. (2 towns). his mom gives him money for gas, food,(he always eats out, never what we cook. i don't know if it is good enough for him or he is afraid it''s not fresh enough), she pays his car pmts (700 per month). when he goes over to his girl friends house he calls his mom to follow him home. he sleeps til 2 comes home at 6 and plays video games til 1am. it is very hard for me living with this kid, but i tell myself it is an illness. i think he is taking advantage of his illness and his mom. she is a wonderful person but cannot say no to him.he does nothing around the house except boss his sister around and i mean nothing, no chores no nothing except play his games. i am seriously thinking of leaving this relationship. this is very hard for me. i have talked to her about him getting some responsibilities and she agrees but nothing is done. i think she figures if she give in to him the less problems for her. any ideas, i am lost.

I don't think it would be good for anyone if you leave the relationship because of that. She'll still be stuck with him, he'll still be a pathetic mooch, and you'll be single from what sounds like a great relationship.

Rather than going to her and telling her her son needs to have some responsibilities, what if you went to her and presented a game plan complete with dates and levels of responsibility.

Anxiety Disorder isn't a disorder he just has to live with. He should see a therapist and/or get medication so that he can begin to live a normal life. If getting medication is too stressful for him, then he can grow up and do it anyway. If I didn't ever do anything I found really stressful, I'd never have done anything, because for the first 20 years of my life, everything was incredibly stressful the first time I did it. I don't know if it was a disorder, but I didn't get to whine my way out of life, I was forced to take the stressful route, and now I'm strong willed, happy, and well adjusted.

As far as what might be in your plan of action for the boy, maybe it starts with a chore around the house. Maybe present a plan that says he has to do all his own laundry by Jan 25th, and that if he doesn't do it, no one will. The next item might be to reduce his spending money. Maybe he only gets half as much as he does currently by February 5th. Then maybe he has to do the whole families laundry by February 25th. He has to clean the house once a week by March 5th. He has to do the dishes there every evening regardless of the fact he ate out or not by March 25th. He has to have a job by April 5th. He has to start paying for his own gas and food by April 25th. He has to start paying his own car payment by May 25th, he has to still have his job by June 5th. I don't like my coworkers sometimes either, that doesn't mean I get to just quit because I say I can't cope with them.

So, go to her with this plan, and present it to her, and suggest that it be enforced Via Ultimatum. Either he adheres the the schedule as closely as possible, or he has to find another place to live.

So, 6 months later if all goes as planned, he either lives somewhere else or he cleans the house once a week, does the dishes every night, does all the families laundry, pays for his own food and gas, and is holding down a job. These things by themselves will help him cope with his disorder by empowering him and giving him responsibilities he can't shrug off.

Nothing is going to change, so decide if you can live with it or not. If not, it's time to start looking elsewhere. The mom is enabling her son's psychological issues, but refuses to see it. $700 for a car payment??!? Geez. You aren't in a position to insist on anything -- but you can take care of yourself. Get out now. This is a seriously fncked up family.

well is this your gf?????? mail meh let me knowww but im confused with your story

Sounds like your girlfriends son is smart enough to manipulate pretty well! Anyone who can manipulate that well can certainly hold down a job. There are hundreds of anti-anxiety medications that work wonders for those who have such a disorder.

My idea for you is to move out. She obviously does not get it and she is enabling him in such a way that it will only get worse. I hate ultimatums so that would be out of the question for me. It may work for you ( if you are comfortable with that) and it may be worth a try. He gets a job, she stops shelling out money, he moves or you are gone.

**What kind of car is this guy driving at $700.00 per month? Sounds like he is a pretty big mommies boy. You may be doomed.

Some of those signs sound like a genuine indicator of anxiety disorder, some soung like he is making a moron of his mom and manipulating the hell out of her.

She is being very gullible and is enabling this behavior. She is hurting him, not helping him. He needs to ask his physician about some Ativan. That will help him lead a normal life.

If he can't handle driving himself home, he should not go to the gf's house.If he can't make his own car payments (what the hell car costs $700?) he needs to sell it. If he doesn't like what's been cooked, he needs to find his own food.

Tell her how you feel straight up. Tell her you can't stand around and witness this any longer. You want to help as you have a clear perspective from the outside, but if she refuses, get out.

Maybe nothing will help. I'd say give it one last try. I would start by telling the friend your reasons for your concern, both because you feel it is hurting both him and her. Then I would let her know how badly it hurts you to watch her being treated so badly. Be honest, tell her you can't watch it happen anymore and if nothing changes, do what you have to do. And of course be there if she doesn't know "how" to do it! Sometimes that is the problem! Good Luck! She is lucky to have a great friend like you!

Why in the world is his car payment that much?

More importantly I agree that you need to figure out what's going to work for you. It doesn't sound like anythings going to change.

I happen to have anxiety problems myself. With the proper medication you can lead a normal life. There are bumps in the road, but you have to get up and deal with it. A lot of people pass judgment on people with anxiety because it's not an ailment you can physically see. It can be very confusing, and extremely scary. Your girlfriend is defiantly enabling his behavior and a lot of what you're describing sounds like pure laziness to me. Sometimes depression goes right along with anxiety though which could also help to explain some of his behavior. I would insist that he seek medical attention and some kind of counseling. Even if it takes a lot of time and effort, he can live MUCH differently than he is now.