I am a medicated person with Bipolar Disorder but I am still kind of mad, what do I dot?

Hi everyone, my name is Gregory. I have experienced bipolar disorder for 2 years before I was medicated. Now I am doing really well. I still have problems though that I need to address. I am still kind of mad. To explain my feelings, I feel like the rest of the world doesn't know what it is like to have a little madness in them. I must hide it every single day. I say nasty things about people in my head whether I am sitting in class or walking on the street. I have all this weird anger against the world and the way things are on this Earth every day I am going crazy. When I had bipolar I just broke loose and was like **** EVERYTHING! but now, I am medicated and having prob;ems with coming back to down to Earth. My Professor recently came up to me outside when I was smoking a cigarette and drinking an energy drink in the morning and with a big smile on her face she was like: "Gregory, Why did you leave the class early yesterday? Do you have a problem with me or your fellow sudents? You can always leave the class if you don't like it," IT WAS THE LAST DAY OF CLASS!!! and I generally think the world is cruel, bitter, and I am some Messiah like person that is the only one on the face of the Earth that is aware of greater things and contains a heart of gold. My aggression eventually explodes at people usually a girl or something. Secondly, besides dealing with this every day, I act on my feelings by being very mischievous like throwing fully carbonated energy drinks and glass bottles out of my fire escape on a regular basis at school. They smash and everyone stops their little stupid lives to wonder OMGGG Whattt was that!??? I just don't get this pathetic little world. I wonder if it's me revealed or if my bipolar illness has brought this energy out from underneath me and allows it to influence my behavior and thinking. This is especially prevalent when I don't sleep because it's boring and drink lots of energy drinks and smoke an unnecessary amount of cigarettes because I am very stressed, also, I go to school in a city. I need therapy but my Therapist whose known me for months on end is at home and the therapists at my University suck!...but people like you help me beyond measure. Thank you so much. Any comments? I need help, I am getting very mischievous and I kind of enjoy it so I'm scared, AND I AM HELPLESS ABOUT THIS WHAT DO I DO???

Hi Gregory,
Chris is right CUT the energy drinks. Im bipolar and have had to cut out all forms of caffein (early mornings are harder but in general it keeps me a lot more sane).

Something you might want to look into is personality disorders. Wiki has some good info on them.

You should look specifically at Borderline Personality disorder, as this can present as bipolar and is often misdiagnosed.
The diagnostic criteria is any 5 out of these 9 symptoms:

1. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. [Not including suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5]
2. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.
3. Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.
4. Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., promiscuous sex, eating disorders, binge eating, substance abuse, reckless driving). [Again, not including suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5]
5. Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, threats, or self-mutilating behavior such as cutting, interfering with the healing of scars, or picking at oneself.
6. Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).
7. Chronic feelings of emptiness, worthlessness.
8. Inappropriate anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights).
9. Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation, delusions or severe dissociative symptoms

You really need to find a new therapist where you are living now.
Have you spoken to your old therapists about your feelings of superiority? Delusions can be an indication of something other than bipolar.

You could also look up Schizoaffective disorder:

"A person may manifest impairments in the perception or expression of reality, most commonly in the form of auditory hallucinations, paranoid or bizarre delusions or disorganized speech and thinking, as well as discrete manic and/or mixed and/or depressive episodes in the context of significant social or occupational dysfunction. There are two types of schizoaffective disorder: the bipolar type and the depressive type."

Getting the right diagnosis is the key to recovery.

Good luck and best wishes
xo

Hi again Gregory,
If you answered yes to 5 or more of those 9 points there is a good chance you have Borderline Personality Disorder.
Find a new therapist near by and talk to them about your diagnosis.
Good luck Report Abuse

It looks a lot like bipolar but is different in a few key ways. Loads of ppl with BPD get misdiagnosed with rapid cycling bipolar disorder. Report Abuse

Well Gregory, I know how you're feeling. I have a son with the same disorder. First, get rid of the energy drinks. I know that when he drinks them, watch out. They seem to rev him up. Second, I know that cigarettes are a crutch and he smoked constantly. Most of his friends in the mental health center had the same attachment to cigarettes. The biggest problem is anger and my son has alot of it. We don't always get along. I hope you're taking meds and lithium should help moderate it somewhat. Also, an anti-psychotic to calm you down. I don't know if therapy actually helps since no one really understands unless they suffer from it or live with someone who has it. I would only suggest that your meds might need changed or increased; risperdal, seroquel, abilify. Try and talk to your psychiatrist, if you have one or get one. You need help with meds in order to calm yourself. Remember, you are not alone. There are also groups on yahoo, google for bipolar people and you can talk to people who have the same disorder and they discuss meds and how they feel. Give it a try and I wish you well.

STAY ON YOU MED (s)! They're absolutely necessary to recover. If your present ones aren't working for you, talk with your doctor. Find a 'fill-in' therapist NOW. DON'T do alcohol!

You WILL be a 'normal' person eventually & live without those meds. It takes years. Get active with your bod: swim, exercise, walk. Don't need to run. Eat properly, drink lots of plain water. Just do it! Good luck! )