What has been your experience with bipolar disorder?

Any information you can share will help me. Thanks all!

I'm 19, bipolar NOS, and unmedicated.

I don't know exactly when I crossed the threshold into being "bipolar" but from the time I was very young, I was aggressive, moody, and intense. I was diagnosed as ADHD at 4, when in reality I was probably showing early signs of a mood disorder. My parents weren't comfortable putting me on medication for a disorder they didn't think I had. I thank them every day for that.

I was violent and angry through most of my childhood, but as I moved into adolescence, the picture changed. I had my first major depressive episode at 12 and it lasted for almost a year. I was diagnosed as such, but again, would not take medication. I continued to suffer periodic depressions for the next few years, eventually turning to self-injury.

In my mid teens though, my depressions started getting shorter, and inbetween them, I became extremely productive. I ran the school newspaper. I was on the debate team. I fenced. I threw wild parties. I was restless in class and didn't sleep more than 4 hours a night. I thought I was coming through the depressions - but in reality, I was developing the other side of bipolarity. I was experiencing hypomania.

The manias got progressively stronger as I moved into my late teens. By the time I was 18, they were bordering on full blown. I wouldn't sleep for days in a row. I was tireless, hyper-sexual, quick-talking and full of racing ideas. I drank excessively, partied a lot, and even engaged in knife play with a fellow crazy friend of mine for fun. One time when I got irritated, I started smashing empty beer bottles into the wall inside the house, screaming my head off. I thought I was the greatest thing in earth.

I graduated high school and left the country to travel Europe. My mood continued to destabilize throughout the next year, ending in a very scary mixed episode. I became paranoid, delusional, rageful, and obsessive. That was when I finally caved in and asked for help. I went to therapy briefly, and may go again soon.

One my mentors suffered from bipolar disorder when she was in college. She said she had such crazy and drastic ups and downs and it was heartbreaking to hear her talking about it. In one moment she could be the happiest person in the world and the next, she sunk into depression. One day, she just couldn't handle it so, while lying prone on her floor, surrounded by the mess that was her dorm room, she called her mom and said, "Mom, take me home." and she dropped out of college. For a year, she stayed with her parents, afraid of leaving outside, but she found solace in her faith in God. When she was young, she had also suffered from epilepsy.

Ihave found through time that antidepressants are trial and error. Some work for others and others work for some. You have to keep trying to find the correct medication for you. Also many psychiatrists have their own list of antidepressants and and don't keep up with the new ones, so it is very important to educate yourself so that you will have the knowledge of others that you can try if one isn't working. You have to keep in their and keep fighting. Antidepressants don't work forever so from time to time we require a change. Many times anxiety problems come with bipolar desease. I say desease because bipolar is a disease just like heart disease or diabetes. The depression can at times be disabling, no energy or interests in the things we normally like to do, distancing ourselves from friends. The manic in the past would keep me up for two or three days in a row looking for things to do nonstop. Fortunately the antipsychotics completely get rid of the highs. But sometimes depression can happen even with antidepressants. Everybody has different experiences with bipolar disease. I like to say disease because it is. Bipolar disease is caused by a brain chemical called Serotonin which keeps others on an even mood level. We have a biological problem with the production of Serotonin. If it is new to you or a loved one you can go to nami.org which is the National Alliance for Mental Illness and any questions you may have are answered on that site. Take care of yourself. It is extremely important to get a good nights rest every night and to try your best not to become over tired.

my moms bipolar and she as episodes all the time.She just gets really angry about the littlest thing that doesn't even matter. Like on time i didn't help her find mascara and she freaked out and threw everything on the desk {ALOT OF PAPERS AND TRASH} across the floor.