Can I be clinically depressed or have bipolar disorder and be aware of it?

I've been suffering from what has been referred to as depression for about 2-3 years now (I previously had a depressive episode in my late teens that went untreated and I never sought help for it, so I'm not really sure if it was a true depression). This has been on and off. I've tried anti-depressants, several kinds, and most of them have helped, but I've always stopped taking them, either because of the massive side effects or because I thought; "No, I'm not depressed, I'm just faking, why the hell am I taking medication?"

I have currently cut contact with doctors and psychiatrists. I had a bad experience with a therapist in my home town, and have not really sought after others. I don't know if I need therapy. Sometimes I feel like I want to contact someone (especially when feeling down), but I end up not doing it.

Thing is, I feel good sometimes. There are days or hours when I feel ok, sometimes up to a couple of weeks. But then I think I spiral down again. I start ignoring everyone, I get paranoid and isolate myself, want to die. I rarely remember these "episodes" in detail, and usually right after them, I say to myself that I didn't really feel that bad, and can't seem to recall the emotional state I was in back then because I feel content and think "hey, that was just ridiculous, I faked the whole thing".

Doctors have been reluctant to give me a diagnosis, in part because there are times (when I feel better) that I no longer want to see them.

I feel that I might be a hypochondriac sometimes, just by being aware of the mental disorders that exist, and hence imagining that I have them, just to get attention.

I'm pretty confused as it is now. I don't know if I'm depressed, have bipolar disorder, or am just faking the whole thing. It's like my personality changes and my opinions about what I have.

Since you do not describe any sort of mania it is not likely to be bipolar but rather a recurring depression. please go se a psychiatrist and get back on the antidepressants. You said that they do work but you stop taking them and then get depressed again....... Get back on the antidepressants and stay on them. Good Luck.

If you do this, you will be "cured" of whatever the doctors want to call it these days. All you have to do is this. Think outward, not inward.

First off - yes, you can be depressed or bipolar and be aware of it. I'm bipolar and I am pretty aware of my mood changes, it's quite annoying.

The thing about feeling better and not wanting to take your meds or see the head doc are fairly common.

What I would suggest would be to find a therapist that you connect with and let them help you sort this out.

I'm also having the same thoughts as you are because i always thought that i was different from other people. i always have been. but now that i think about what went on with my life for the last 2 years i cant help but notice that something is just not right with me.

and i have read all the information about bipolar disorder and they seem to fit my life in a number of ways. just recently my family let me know that apparently they have been worried about me for a while now.

i don't really know what to think anymore or if i should actually seek help. i admitted to my friend that i think i might be bipolar and that i might need help just a couple days ago. but as of right now i feel fine. this morning i was feeling really bizarre i don't even remember why i felt angry and worthless but i cant seem to remember exactly the way i felt. i think there was one time couple days ago when i felt good about life and was actually nervous about going to sleep because i didn't know how i would feel when i woke up the next morning.

right now i guess I'm waiting it out to see if i can go back to normalcy but apparently bipolar doesn't work that way? does the medication even help? i figured mr. prozac is earning a fortune off people like me selling placebo. im really not sure what to do at this point. i think im going to see how the next week goes and then ill start somewhere i guess. cuz im having the exact same thoughts as the post right now. now that i know about bipolar, it seems like im just faking it or doing it just to get attention but i dont know. i felt confused and angry this morning when i was walking back home and i passed my brother. i think he and his girlfriend looked really concerned when he they saw me.

i really dont know what to do anymore. i think recently i realized that there was a time when i felt normal now that see myself in this state but im starting to forget what that felt like.

Victor,

It seems to be a common thing that people are aware of their issues. The fact that you have not connected with a counselor or with the right medication to control these episodes tells me you have work to do.

Finding the right med and the right counselor is work, no lie, it is.

The diagnosis of what is wrong with you is not a cure. The most important part is that these episodes cease and soon.

It should be noted that even the last person in their graduating class or the person with the worst grade is still called doctor. My point is that not all professionals are of the same calibre.

Keep looking and find someone you can work with.