Co-sleeping and breastfeeding

I have a 9month old son who currently co-sleeps with me and is breastfed as well as 3 small meals a day. He has slept with me more or less since day 1 as he just wouldn't sleep in his moses basket or cot, trust me I have tried! He also sleeps on my lap for naps and before we go up2 bed on a night. He just isn't very good at sleeping on his own and is a very light sleeper. Is anyone else in this same position or has been? What have you done to get them to sleep in their own cot? I don't mind him sleeping with me its just that he is on and off my boob all night! My partner and I don't get any time to ourselves cos when my son is awake I'm there and when he's asleep I'm there! I don't think he will get a brother or sister until he's about 5! He go's to sleep about 8.30 on a night but I have to sit with him on the sofa all night til I go to bed. Does anyone have any suggestions? I'd appreciate answers from people who kno wot I'm going thru as I dont want to be told they should be sleeping on their own by now, Ive heard it all before. Thankyou x

nat - how dare you say I'm lazy, I've never left my sons side since he was born. Did you read my question, I don't want answers from stupid people like you. Co-sleeping is perfectly safe if you follow the guidelines. Why is your way the right way, I love my baby and will do anything for him.

You can try the No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. I've heard wonderful things about it! It doesn't use CIO or anything, and it may help you get some time for you and your man, even if you only use it for naptimes. :)
Good luck!

Edit: Nat is an idiot...I wish people would do actual research before opening their big mouths.
Breastfeeding moms who cosleep are uniquely tuned into their children, and as long as it's done properly (ie no drugs or alcohol), it's safe. :) It even reduces SIDS risk!

Hard as it may sound, you just need to be strong and put him in his cot and leave him.When he gets tired he will sleep.

I have a 3 month old baby girl, she wakes now at 12, 3am and 6am for feeds, so it's pretty regular but at some point when she gets big enough, she'll drop one of the feeds, most likely the 3am one

I would try and get plenty of nutrition into your son during the day so he's not so hungry at night

If he wakes for a feed on the boob, try offering just a few minutes and then pull him off when he's still awake - Pantley also offers this advice on her website, but I've been doing it a bit already with mine without realising, so at the 3am feed if I'm really tired I pop her off early and to be honest I'm not sure she really needs it as she goes back to sleep no trouble

her bedtime is anywhere between 7pm and 9pm, we have no routine as such, other than plenty of feeding and then sleepy and then carried up to the big bed, I lie with her for 10 minutes then slip away

She usually wakes at 10pm so with the aid of the baby monitor, I rush up there before she fully wakes and settle her back with another 5 minutes of lying next to her

This can happen every hour till we go to bed

I think every time they fall asleep in your lap, you have to take them to their new resting place- currently our big bed, so she takes all her sleeps in the big bed

It's only with time they will start to adjust and it could take a couple of months of doing this every time they fall alseep

Once my baby starts to roll, I will be putting her in her cot for all her day time sleeps, once she's asleep and for her night time sleeping, before I go to bed,even if that means I have to climb into the cot!

Not sure if this helps, but my baby too is a very sensitive sleeper, she wakes a lot as she always has trapped wind, hoping she'll grow out of it and start to sleep through the night!

For a start, as you probably know, co-sleeping isn't generally dangerous, studies show that mothers are always aware of where baby is, and lies in such a way as to not hurt baby.
And a word of warning, I know someone who is in your position, but baby is now two!! So waiting and hoping it will sort itself out also probably isn't going to work!
Persevere with the cot. He won't like it because he's used to being in your bed. But that is where you want him to sleep so that is where he must sleep. start with it by your bed if it fits. or sleep beside it in the nursery for a few nights. Then slowly sleep a little further away each night.
I think you are going to have to put up ith a bit of crying for a while to get him moved on. It might be worth you and your partner taking a couple of weeks off work so you can cope with the lack of sleep whilst doing it!
I'd try first taking him off your lap once he's asleep, but still beside you - perhaps on the sofa, or in a travel cot so you can stay downstairs.
And talk to him gently and stroke him for a moment if he wakes irritable, to let him know you're still there. Only nurse him if he genuinely seems hungry, not for comfort - yours or his!
And don't regress. If he is very unhappy, persevere, because he will slowly come to realise he's not in danger from being a little further from you, and will calm down but it may take several weeks!! To take him back into your bed will put you back at square one. Just keep thinking of the end point, and remember that if you persevere you will get there, eventually!
Now, having said all that, I'm still expecting my first baby, and am only getting all this from books I've read in preparation, so let me know how it goes!!

My 10-mo-old prefers sleeping with me, but I'm able to put him in his crib with little to no fussing. I hold him or lie down with him in my bed till he's sleepy, then I move him to his crib. If he cries, I pat his back and ssshhhhh until he lies still. This may take 1-10 min. I pat slower and slower till my hand is just resting on his back and he's asleep. I would rather pat him for 10 min. then hear him cry for 30 min--I'm not a big fan of letting babies cry it out.

Have you thought about putting the cot near your bed and putting the mattress level with your bed? Then he could get used to sleeping in there so you could sleep on your bed. Another thing that I tried was putting a crib mattress on the floor next to our bed. I would nurse my baby to sleep on it and then when my baby fell asleep I'd climb up into my bed.

My oldest baby was also an all night nurser. I finally got her to sleep in her own room when she was 18 months. My husband and I got used to having sex in other parts of the house.

Also, not all babies are the same. My second baby was sleeping through the night by 8 weeks. She's 9 months old now and still sleeps with us. (by our choice)

I have co-slept and breastfed my daughter since she was born too, she is now 14 months. Only in the last month has she started sleeping through, without breastfeeding in the night- before that she would feed anywhere between 1-4 times a night.

She goes to bed at 7.30, I nurse her to sleep then slip out of the room, have you tried doing that? Personally, we love co-sleeping so wouldnt change it for the world- but I do think it is important that you get an evening to yourself. I suggest you nurse him to sleep, then leave when he is asleep- if he wakes, go back up, nurse again, then slip out again- based on our own experience, eventually he will stop waking.

Our daughter was a very light sleeper too, which doesnt really coincide with co-sleeping! I think thats why she would wake so often. But she seems to have become a deeper sleeper as she gets older, and now nothing disturbs her in the night!

Good luck x

If he is a light sleeper, your nearby presence is probably waking him more than he would if he was sleeping alone. You've probably tried all the advice, but here's how it's supposed to work:
have a consistent bedtime routine that results in him sleepy but not asleep.
Put him in bed and tell him goodnight. (I found patting rhythmically on the rump or back soothed my kids and sometimes helped them drop off)
Leave.
He cries.
You wait five minutes. Go in, check on him. Don't pick him up, don't talk to him, just satisfy yourself that he's okay. He knows he's not alone.
Leave. Let him cry. Wait 10 minutes. Check on him. Again, don't pick him up or talk to him, don't make eye contact or give him the idea that he can have you right now. Be boring.

Most of all, you need confidence in what is right for your child. If you don't think he needs to sleep alone or believe that crying for an hour is going to hurt him, then don't try it. A two hour superivsed cry (several nights in a row) won't hurt him, and it may well bring both of you increased peace. Otherwise, figure that for the next while in your life, you won't have private time.

Breast-feeding and co-sleeping go hand-in-hand. My son slept with me until he was 6 months old for half the night. He is a thumb sucker and it was a little easier. I always made sure his blankets were warm in his bassinet and always waited about 30 to 45 minutes before putting him down. Sometimes he would wimper and fall right back to sleep. I would often lay on the floor and he would be happy since I was in the same room and sneak out later.

I understand how it is to be an over-protective mommy, I am one :) The problem I had with co-sleeping was he was the only one getting sleep I would be constantly waking to check him .. It's funny how such a litte itty bitty sleeping baby could make you scared that they might wake up lol

my 2 week old loves to sleep on me/ co-sleep in my bed however I find that when he is fast asleep I can transfer him with little or no fuss at all.

I have to time it right because if he is sleeping lightly he will wake again.

The only time I have difficulty is between his 2 night feeds so often I just leave him in with me - "by nat" is talking rubbish - co-sleeping was advocated at the breastfeeding workshop I went to, there is nothing lazy about it!

You HAVE to get the child in his own bed!!!!!!!! Do it NOW before it gets worse. Youll have 2-3 days of hell but then its sooooo worth it after its all done. Get him on a rigid sleep schedule, and the best way to insure success is to create a ritual. Heres mine: I read a story to help them wind down, then I wind up the music box and turn off the lights, then as I leave the room I say, "Night-night, sleep tight, don't let the bedbugs bite. I love you, sweet dreams" They know its time and if you do the same thing every nap and every night, theyll be much more accepting of bedtime. There will be a lot of crying so stay strong. Be consistent, if you give in at all during the 2-3 days of hell, you'll undermine all your efforts and have to start over.

Sounds a bit like my son. He is only about 5 months tho. He has been sleeping with us all night for about a week but before that he kept waking up after only a few hours in his cot by himself and then would have to come into bed with us. Since he is young we take time together in the shower, take him in the highchair into the bathroom, or usually if he is asleep just do whatever across the bed from him. He doesn't understand anything like that anyway. I don't really mind either, I'm just hoping he grows out of it in his own time. But I say if you have the patience try putting him in his cot and see how long he lasts for, and if he wakes can he be resettled easily with a dummy, or rubbing his face/head. Our son's cot is in our bedroom so this makes it a bit easier on him.
My son also sleeps on me during the day, and whilst he will sleep in our bed, he doesn't sleep for nearly as long as he would have if he was on my lap.

I don't have much solutions I'm afraid. Just letting you know you are not alone my son is the same. I am hoping he grows out of it, otherwise I will have to slowly try to transition him out of it. I am just enjoying the fact that he still needs me this way, before too long he will be pushing me off him I'm sure.

Edit: if my son gets his 5 feeds a day during the day time/before he goes down for the night, he will not wake up to eat during the night. He sleeps for 8 hours straight a night. I am a night owl so I like to stay up and will generally feed him his last feed anywhere between 10 and 12, depending on his feeding schedule that day, he sometimes wakes up at different times but generally he is up at 9, it also depends on how long he will go between each feed, anywhere between 3 - 4 hours. Before his last feed he sleeps on me/next to me on the couch, until he has his last feed then we go to bed together.
I think the main reason he has invaded my bed lately is because he gets cold in his own bed, and he has teeth coming in as well. He wakes up after about 4 or so hours in his cot and is unsettleable. And I have been so tired out lately, and we are having biting trouble with breastfeeding as well so I just take him into bed with me now so I get sleep that is less disrupted than if he was in his cot. Which sleep is the most important thing right now to me!

Good Luck

put him in his cot

first off this is very dangerous. its not that your son wont sleep on his own you wont let him sleep on his own. this is very lazy of you i had a friend who's baby died because she accidently smothered him i know what you think oh i wouldnt do that but accidents happen that chid has to be in a cot just put him in the cot and go up every 10 min when he is crying talk gently to him and continue this yes its hard work yes it may take days to sort out but it will work trust me. please stop putting your baby in bed with you. its just laziness