Anyone else out there dealing with sick elderly parents and feeling depression?

Ive been taking care of my mother (stroke) 13 years and my father (early dementia) 5 years. some days i feel like im losing my mind. is this normal?

Gosh yes! This is totally normal! And my heart really, really goes out to you. My Dad died suddenly six years ago. Mum was in the early stages of dementia at the time but I never noticed because Dad kind of covered it up and helped her through. But after his death her mind just flipped and she suddenly seemed mad as a hatter!! (quite a shock for me I can tell you!) It was a tough journey, but now Mum lives in a nice dementia-specific hostel and I take her out on the weekends. I'm not at all surprised to hear you feel like you are losing your mind. I felt at one point that I was losing mine and my situation isn't nearly as bad as yours! I finally sought out counselling and it really, really helped me. You have taken on a tremendous responsibility by taking care of them yourself. 13 and 5 years is a LOOOOOONG time. In fact, I have a concern about your well-being and your health. It's okay to desire a life of your own and it's okay to have an urge to protect your own health. Do you think it's time you got someone or some organization to help you? It sounds like you may be in desperate need of some freedom and carefree times. I admire your goodness tremendously and I know I could not do what you have done. Perhaps you need someone to tell you that it's okay to feel trapped; resentful maybe; sad; angry; cheated. (I have felt those things) But the urge to remain faithful and be compassionate is very strong - so strong that you are willing to put your own needs aside. This is not good for any human long term. I think your situation is out of balance and you may need to make changes to return the balance. It may seem like you are being selfish and cruel but ultimately your health (physical and mental!) will suffer if you don't take action. Once I asked myself if I wanted to end up the same way as my mother. Of course the answer was NO! So I told myself I needed to become a little 'cold' (for lack of a better term) and do something for myself. Mum got used to her new living circumstances and I have never regretted my decision to give her a little less and give myself a litte more. I found that appropriate balance. I do hope you can find yours and I wish you all the best. You are wonderful to do what you do but take care of YOU TOO.

It's tough, but it's worth it----I did this for my Mother for 8 solid years (she had gradually worsening stroke-caused dementia). It's hard work being a caregiver (being ignored), but you are very lucky to be so needed. Being needed is a key to happiness, and there is no question of that---you're literally a life-or-death person in their lives.

Basically, you learn to solve a bunch of problems---you learn to make the best of things, and most importantly, you learn lots of facts about taking care of your own body in the future, because you're likely to have some of the health issues your parents do now. This, to me, was a great help, and gave me lots of confidence.
The other thing you should do to keep depression/boredom/burnout at bay is to do really fun things for yourself in between---I walked to keep fit, and also collected movie memorabilia, which was a blast---I did it by mail, and on ebay, and am so glad I did.
It was a tough job, but I did it right to the end, and really wish I was still doing it (my Mom passed away in 2005)---because all that mattered was that she was here with me. It was only frightening because I was afraid I would make a mistake (because she couldn't communicate), but otherwise, life was much more fun when she was here.

Caregiving is tough on the caregiver. Sounds like you need a break from it. Social Services may have a way to provide you with someone to come in and look after them while you take a break for a few days and get away from them.
You need a break before you get to the point that you can't do it anymore. Parents, God bless them, never want you to leave them. But, for their sake, you have to get a little breather, a break, so that you don't lose your mind and your spirit.

Very normal. The only thing I can say is that when it is all done, you may look back and find this to be the most rewarding thing you've ever done. I've been taking care of a parent with Alzheimer's for the last 8 years. She suffered a major stroke a few weeks ago, and is no longer capable of being taken care of by me alone. Actually, I find myself struggling more now that she is dying, and not coming home, than I did when dealing with her care. Some people call it "empty nest" syndrome, I guess. Nothing easy about any of it. Stay strong knowing you've done you best.

I feel for you. I take care of my elderly mother but she has a good mind.....just a bad back.

Your depression is probably coming from the routine you are trying to keep on a daily/yearly basis. There is nothing in it for you to enjoy. You need to take time for yourself. You will be better for it and your care of your parents will improve simply because your own disposition will improve.

Some areas have senior day care centers. Check to see if there is one convienent to you. If not, hire a sitter to just stay with them for a few hours each week. During that time, arrange something to pamper yourself or do something you enjoy.

It's good to love your parents.......it's good to share that love with yourself every once in a while!

Yes. Not in the way that you are, but I'll be happy to share.
A year ago, my dear pappy was hit with colon cancer.
I live very far away from my family and hometown. But my mother asked me to come and care take, which I was happy to do. All the things I didn't see in week long visits became apparent. My grammy's dementia, my mother's total wackfullness and neglect of those around her, and me dad and bro's alcoholism.
I tried so, so hard to do my best and lived on my grammy's couch for well over 6 weeks, learned how to care for my pap's colostomy bag, hired nurses, fired doctors, did strange banking chores and was sent out for things like a can of salmon (huh?! it comes in a can?). I had bitter fights with my mother. And finally flew home like a chicken$hit.
It's all set straight as I've hired the correct people to care for my grandparents. But I caved after 6 weeks. I already had depression and it worsened terribly for a bit after.
You have been doing this much longer.
First, I applaud you for caring for your family this way. Second, I will say you need to take care of yourself before you give the best care for anyone else. I learned through experience. If you feel depression, see a doctor. If you need some breaks, hire a nurse.
I think it's totally normal to feel the way you do.
Just take care of yourself.
I wish you the best of luck!!!

God bless your soul.

I had a sick parent also, and every single day I saw him laying in a bed looking miserable as hell.

I cried almost every night, but I got through it.

What you are going through right now is very normal, especially for how long you have been taking care of them.

Good luck.

yeah. but you sound like you got more work to do. my grandma just had to go to a nursing home and lately been having seizures and dementia. she had to be moved to another home. im sorry about you parents. its sad to see people starting to lose it. dementia is one of the worst.