The Depression Has Returned?

I just recently had an ECT done (well several of them done) and it was suppose to help my depression but all it's really done is make me forget. I've lost my keys, I've forgotten how to spell my last name, I even forgot my neices and nephew's names and birthdays. I forgot my Yahoo! password and user-id...I had someone help me remember it but without them I would have been still sitting here trying to figure it out. Anyway...I am feel very suicidal and I know I shouldn't... mean I just got out of the mental hospital a week or so ago. Everytime I take my meds I see my ambien and think...oh who would notice if I took all the ambien and ativan...no one would care. I just want to know what I should do besides go back to the hospital. I dont' want to be seen as a failure. So anyway any advice would be great. Thanks.

Hey girl, don't give up on yourself yet! The fact that you have reached out is a sign that you are thinking straight, right? I know you are hurting right now, and feel that things could not be any worse. But; please call that "someone" and see if they can't be with you. You need to stop thinking in negatives for awhile. And, you are not a failure. It is not a sign of weakness to reach out and say "help me". So, do just that! Good Luck top you.

I have been there, very depressed not long ago, but mine was all due to Menapause, so of course you need to find the root of the problem. I don't know if you have a relationship with God, but that is what got me thru it. Talking and praying with friends, Please don't go thru this alone, call someone when you are feeling sucicide, you are not a failure! Could you call me?? email me at: ruthven@allcom.net
God Bless you,
Mary

Wouldn't it be great if you could be depressed and it would be OK and you would be at peace anyway?
Well.... bring acceptance to life as it is, and that will be your reality, more and more.

mymymy...........THNIK ABOUT SOMETHING BESIDE UR SELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GO DO SOMETHING FOR SOME ONE ELSE. MAYBE IF SOMEONE ELSE DEPENDED ON YOU FOR THEIR WELL-BEING YOU MIGHT BE MORE APT TO GET UP, GET OUT, AND DO SOMETHING

Did you know that ECT is controversial and is supposed to cause forgetfulness so you don't remember why you are depressed?
You are may not understand any of this. I once felt as you do. A drastic attitude adjustment was the cure. I had to accept when I had depression that this might be as good as it gets. Then I stopped thinking about myself and tried to help others.
If you define your self as a failure, I think you need to try something different. I believe it is imperative that you stop thing about yourseIf. I have found that if I am willing to be a giver, there are plenty of takers that would appreciate my time. I have found much satisfaction in giving. When I use my God-given talents to help others I feel satisfaction beyond explanation.
One example:
Years ago I started coaching children's soccer. I had the time and played the game before, so I volunteered. I can't tell you how much fun I had, and how I looked forward to those games.I did it for 12 years. I seen much change in the children, and seen my influence in them grow over the years. It is heartfelt to watch them grow.
I am not suggesting that you coach soccer, but I firmly believe that in regards to life the gift is in the giving.
I had to have a drastic change in my expectations in life. My motto is now "what can I do to help?". It does not matter to me if the neighbor needs a hand or an elderly person needs shopping done. I have a sense of purpose if I do what is in front of me.
When I am feeling down, I'll do a quick prayer to ask Him what is next. Then I just wait, and no matter what it is, I'll do it with a smile. I feel good that I have abilities and I'm blessed with people in my life. I don't get angry with the people that are not interested in hanging out with me, but feel blessed for the ones I am sent.