After 20 years of battling depression, now what?

I had a breakdown when I was 15 and never came back. I think I might have been depressed almost my entire life, and it just came to a head at 15. In short, severe Major Depression. I have tried ALL KINDS of medication, I'm on some now that works better than having nothing, but I still hurt so much every day.

I have tried tons of talk therapy, biofeedback, meditation, journaling. I understand myself a lot better than I did 20 years ago, but I still hurt all the time. I feel so afraid that I am hurting my daughter and husband by being like this, but I don't know what else to do. Getting through each day is all I can do, and I feel like a giant loser. It often feels like there is no reason for me to be sad or hurting, but the feelings are still there.

Anyone else been desperate and found something that worked?

(please don't say religion, I have one) I am thinking of electro-shock therapy or hypnosis, but I don't know that either would work. (ECT is also dangerous, and I"ve never succeeded in being hypnotized)

Well, you seem to have tried almost everything, so its difficult for me to say, but i'll do
my best...

1) you havent mentioned good old exercising. any exercise which is high intensity releases feel good hormones into the body. i think its called runners high. even a brisk walk everyday helps.

2) My therapist suggested Yoga. it is calming.

3) do you have a pet? if possible and if you can afford the time/energy/money, get yourself a cat or dog, preferably from an animal shelter. that ways you will be achieving two things at one time - saving another life and improving the quality of your own. dogs especially are really great at being friends and are very comforting.

4) allot some hours every week or even every day to volunteer work at a childrens shelter, old home, animal asylum, etc. that ways you will be helping another living being and your life will feel more purposeful.

5) learn to play a musical instrument , music is often healing. although i'm not putting this high on the list, because its only my personal opinion.

6) last, and maybe not a very clever suggestion, but even if you cant identify any reasons why you are feeling the way you are, try to improve things that you can identify which you are not pleased with in your life. for example, if you are always worried about money, try to get a better paying job, so that at least that part of your conscious worries will be dealt with.

7) Read positive books and fill your mind with positive thoughts. I personally recommend Joseph Kellers "the power of your subconscoius mind" and Norman Vincent Peales books.

finally, i noticed that talking about everything to ones therapist is not always necessary and sometimes feels uncomfortable, see what you feel about that.

I really admire you for trying so hard to help yourself and help your family. i know its
really difficult.

You can email me if you want to discuss anything.

God Bless.

Try DBT if you have not or something with humanistic, client-centered, existential approach. Sorry, depression is tough thing to deal with, but there are better days. Reassessing your med cocktail yet again may be an option. When all fails yes definitely ECT. Also what about vigorous physical activity (running, swimming), I know it's hard when you are depressed but it is often an answer to a variety of depressive symptoms.

im very sorry to hear that but i think you should just relax & think about the good things in life. Go on vacation or do something nice for yourself. It would put your mind off things. I think that the more you put your mind off things, the more you cannot focus on your feelings but taking life as it goes. GOODLUCK =]

Have you tried Ma-uri massage, Bach's Flower Remedies, homeopathy?

I'm sorry that I don't have any helpful suggestions for you, but I did want to let you know that I can certainly sympathize. Luckily I was able to find some meds that work pretty well. I still have a LOT of issues but most days I can at least function. I worry about the affects of my depression on my kids, in fact I KNOW it affects them. They're old enough to let me know that they hate to see me like this, and I can tell that my mood affects their mood.

Have you had the same psychiatrist all of this time? Maybe it's time to find a new one? Just don't give up, they come up w/new meds all the time. Hopefully they'll come out w/something that will help you.

Me personally, I wouldn't try shock therapy unless you were suicidal. If you could find someone that could hypnotize you that would be great. If there's something in your past you've blocked out then you could find out and finally know the true cause of your depression, which would be a HUGE step.

Again, sorry I wasn't more help. I truly hope that you're able to find something that works.