Well, to start off, im in year 10 doing my mocks. Every lesson apart from german is fine, and I find the work easy-ish. But I lack the focus, and forget to do the coursework all the time. My german teacher gave me an E ( All my other lessons are A/B grades ) and I know my mum will start crying, and tell me what a failure I am ( shes done it before, She told me that I had no talent, and no future)...
When I'm around people I tend to act happier, even if I'm upset. And I find that if Im alone ( which seems to be increasingly more often) I start worrying, and think either everyone hates me, or they all think Im too weird. Also about a week ago I broke and started yelling at them, saying how much I hated them. I feel tired most of the time, and wonder what the point of breathing is.
Also, I self harm. Not deep enough or frequent enough to say Im addicted, but it makes me feel so calm.. its almost disturbing. I rely on it more now than ever.
And I cant talk to the school counselor.... so any other ideas?
So Im paranoid, constantly upset and I hate life... depression or what? Can't talk to the school councelor due to he lack of confidentiality. ( cant spell with I'm upset :( ) , I need to try and sort this out by myself, but Im not sure how? That sounds like depression and a bit of anxiety. Why can't you talk to the school counselor? They sound like a very good resource. But if that won't work, even going to your normal doctor (family practitioner) can do some good. Tell them what you're experiencing, and any doctor (and I mean ANY doctor) will be very willing to help you. They can give you anti-depressants, help you find a therapist that fits your needs, or both. I also suggest trying to talk to your mom about it. She loves you, cares about you, and wants you to be happy and succeed in life.
Hang in there! You can and will get through this!
If you're feeling really down, these can help you feel a bit better. You jut have to let yourself believe what you're reading.
REALISTIC SELF-TALK
1. I am willing to do whatever is necessary to make my life better.
2. Don't sweat the small stuff, and it's all small stuff.
3. I am not responsible for making other people feel ok.
4. Is this really important enough to become so upset about?
5. I know I will eventually be OK no matter what happens.
6. I am not helpless. I can and will take the needed steps to get through this crisis.
7. What is, just is (for now, at least).
8. This too shall pass, and my life will be better.
9. I am doing the best I can at this moment in time given my history and current level of awareness.
10. There are no failures, only different degrees of success.
11. This difficult and painful situation will soon be over.
12. Other people's opinions are just opinions.
13. I feel better when I don't make assumptions about the thoughts or actions of other people.
14. I choose to be a happy person.
15. There is less stress in being optimistic and choosing to be in control.
16. I will decide to enjoy myself while working towards all I want to accomplish.
17. I can't control the behaviors of others, I can only control my own behavior.
18. In the long run, who will even remember of these problems?
19. I can stay calm when talking to difficult or rude people
20. It's ok to let myself be distressed for a while
21. like everyone else, i am a fallible person and sometimes make mistakes that i can learn from
22. my past does not control my future
23. i will respond appropriately, and not be reactive
24. i don't really need to prove myself to anyone in this situation
25. He/she is responsible for their own reaction to me
26. i will stay engaged and involved rather than isolating and withdrawing during this situation
27. look at how much i have already accomplished, and i am still making progress
28. i am a worthy and good person
29. i am respectful to others and deserve to be respected in return
30. i will choose to enjoy myself, even when life is hard.
31. others are not perfect, and i won't pressure myself or others to e perfect
32. i can stand anything for a while
33. one step at a time
34. i am true and honest to myself
35. this is an opportunity, not a threat. i can use this experience to learn something new, to change directions, or to try new approaches. I think a lot of teenagers feel like you do.
Im not sure if it's depression, perhaps a mild form?
Although self harming id very serious.
I suggest you do go and talk to someone about it, someone who knows what they're talkign about, and that can help you through it. Same with me, I always feel judged or like people are thinking negative thoughts about me. It's weird... aw I have gone through, and currently go through the same things. The only thing i can say, is don't take life one day at a time, take it an hour at a time.
I also have problems when i am with people i am very self confident, happy, entergetic, but when I am alone i get parenoid, going over every little detail in my head, beating myself up for mistakes.
I battled suicidal depression (I am also in year 10).
Just take life slowly, you will get better. telling people really does help, though is really difficult. My friends actually told my parents since i wouldn't.
I cut as well, not enough to kill, just enough to dull my mind.
Its hard to stop, and I did for a while, for a boyfriend. But now its back, and i am forcing myself to stop.
don't do it for other people, do it for yourself, after all, what kind of life will you, will we, lead if we don't make a major change?
You really can do this, it just takes time and self discipline. Its not easy, but think about all the people you are hurting with this life style. Its not just you.
You can email me if you need some help.
I know I can do it, so then, so can you I've suffered from depression before and it hurts. There really isn't any other way to describe it. You snap on people for the smallest things, you cry over the smallest things, and you hurt people you love the most because you don't feel like they care about you enough to matter. I screwed up my life so much when I got depressed and I'm still picking up the pieces now. There really isn't much you can do for depression except talk to someone close, or see a psychiatrist.
As for the self mutilation thing, I have some experience in that area too and I know exactly how it is to feel better after you've done it. It makes you calm because the cutting releases antioxidants. Try doing other things to calm yourself. Some exercises release antioxidants to make you feel calmer also. Try reading, drinking hot green tea, yoga.. there are several things. Depression takes time and awareness to try to feel better. If things progress in the wrong direction you should really think about seeing a psychiatrist. I am going to be brutally honest - it seems your mother is at the route of your problems.
Parents can try to live their lives through you and put undue pressure on you to succeed. Your mother is quite frankly should be supporting you not making you feel a failure
So what if you got an E in german, I was hopeless at languages.
Well done for all your other grades, but even if they weren't A/B grades and you were my child I would think well! - his/her skills are in other areas, hairdressing, builder, carpenter, beautician etc.
You haven't got to have a degree in this age to become successful in life. Being a hard worker at what you do best and love is what makes for success.
Your mother is using emotional blackmail on you. Maybe this is what she experienced in some form from her own parents, but that's no excuse she has to realize how detrimental this is to you. You must tell her how she makes you feel in no uncertain terms, and let her see she is doing more harm than good.
The pressure and expectations of others is stressing you out, making you feel anxious, generally unhappy. All your self harm and irrational behavior is due to you feeling crap about yourself, due these pressures.
Your mother should be utterly ashamed of herself. (Sorry) You probably dont have depression, but you may have in the future if your life doesnt improve.
I always think about suicide, never that seriously, i just think about what it would be like and stuff.
I also started self harming, but that wasnt too serious either. I did it just enough to see a bit of blood, guess i just wanted to see if it made me feel better at all. I guess it kinda does. I dont do it much but once ive done it i guess knowing that ive done it is enough to make me feel better (dunno if that made sense lol)
Dont worry about your mom calling you a failure, im sure your not. Ive failed loads of my subjects at school. I guess i kinda am a failure, but i dont take life that seriously, so i dont really care.
You can instant message me or email me if you want to talk or something, not like i'll be able to help much, but sometimes it helps to talk to people who arent your friends or family.
Oh yeah, an E isnt that bad a grade, at least its a grade. |
