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| *Women health>>>Depression |
Father's behavior since mother's death has us concerned. Is it depression? |
My mother passed away in June of last year. She and my father were married for 43 years. My father started seeing someone from his past about six months after my mother's death. She lives in Alabama, and he lives in NC. For the past three months, they have been meeting in SC every other weekend. Trips costing $1000+ each. He has been acting very different in the past month or so, mood swings, forgetfulness, etc. and it has my sister and I concerned. My grandmother (my mom's mom) passed away last month. While she was in the nursing home, my uncle (who had power of attorney) and father had the beneficiaries changed on her IRA account (My dad was the agent who sold her the account) into just thier names, and split her remaining assets 50/50. These accounts originally had my mother and uncle as beneficiaries, and my mother's share would have been distributed to my sister and I. Also, my day took out a mortgage on his house, that had just been paid off in March of this year. First let me say that I am sorry to hear about your losses. Uncharacteristic behavior is always a concern. It is hard to tell without much more information about your father but I'll give you my thoughts on some possibilities. Everyone mourns differently. A respected authority on death and dying is Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. Read her book On Death and Dying, the 1970 classic was updated in the nineties. She proposes five stages of grieving that we all travel through. Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. Your father's actions with the girlfriend and so forth could be Denial. He wants to be young and does not want to think that he too will one day die. They could also be part of Bargaining, if I take up with someone new, I won't be alone. The first year of mourning is the hardest and the first anniversary is the toughest, in general. He may feel desperate to stave off thoughts of being alone and dying - so he spends his money on the new girlfriend and he needs money. Mood swings could be anger or along with forgetfulness the could be mild dementia but it is impossible to tell without your father being evaluated by a geriatric specialist. Before you confront him, please examine where you are in your grieving. June is coming soon. It must be a hard time for you. How are you grieving? What do you need? You may wish to see a grief counselor or pastorial counselor. They are different from a psychotherapist in that they do not treat mental illness, but help people with normal but difficult grieving. (Some pastorial counselors also deal with mental illness). I went through a terrible time last year as my mother progressed from moderate to severe dementia (like a living death) and my father suffered an episode of delirium that left him with mild dementia. He is also grieving the loss of my mother although she is still living. He spent lots of money and has no insight about it. He accused me of spending the money behind his back. I had to set a strong boundary and decide if money issues or having a relationship with my parents was more important. I chose the relationship and so far this is working although there are still hurt feelings. You need to discuss this with your family and decide what is best for each of you. Best of Luck. I wish you well. I hope this helped. Source(s): BA in psychology, Mental Health Consumer and Advocate, daughter of aging parents sorry to hear about your loss i think your father might be suffering from shock and depression very unstable times right now it's not unusual for people to have short mourning periods. that shouldn't really worry you. but everything else that you stated, maybe you should sit down and speak to your father about this. express your concerns, and find out why he made the choices he did. does sound a little unusual. i know, it's common for a man in your dad's position to kind of go through a second childhood. he is, after all, starting a new life. my dad did it too. he bought motorcycles, race cars,a motorhome and spent money like crazy. he was however, in a position to do it. the bit about the beneficiaries is weird but, it's their business. i have never asked my dad about his financial endeavors. as their kid's, it's none of our business. if you're concerned about his emotional health, talk to him. maybe it will put your fears to rest. EDIT-after reading your additional comments i realize you make a good point. maybe his new friend is a gold digger. we hear of it all the time though we don't think of it ever happening so close to home. maybe keep an eye on things for a while. I think that you may want to talk to first your dad's doctor, and tell him/her what you've put here. If there are other things that have been off, let the doctor know. My mother in law had altzheimer's, the first clue we had that something was very wrong was that she couldn't figure out her checkbook. Then, I would contact an attorney about the IRA account. I'm not sure that they can change the beneficiaries like that. It may have been legal, but make sure. I would be asking dad why he needs so much money, why he took out a mortgage. Good luck. I am sorry to hear about the loss of your mother. It is natural for your dad to go through a period of grieving. The cat that he seeing some one else is a good sign. However, if he is suffering from mood swings it could be due to hypoglycemia. Perhaps he should see a Nutritional Doctors to have that properly assessed. This can all be treated without recourse to drugs by going on a hypoglycemic diet. |
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