What can I do about my daughter's eating disorder?

My daughter is 23 and has now left home to live with friends. She has struggled with Anorexia and Bulemia for several years since about 16 and when she comes to visit she looks like a stick. She is about 5'7" but a size 6 clothes (which hang off her). She eats her way through our food supply, usually after we've gone to bed, and I know for a fact that she's chucking it up. For a start she never puts on any weight, even though she eats like a horse. And I find the toilet blocked with toilet paper and little bits of food resurface when I clear it. Both my wife and I talk to her about it but she is incredibly defensive, denies everything and it never seems to do any good. She also self harms periodically and wears scars on her arm like a badge of honour. She's now an adult with her own place so well beyond my control. But when she is with us it infuriates and saddens me to witness her condition and what I know is going on.

I am so sorry to hear that she is going through such a horrible time, and you too.
I have had an ED for about 14 years, and to tell you the truth, it is one of the most secretive,self-destructive illnesses ever.
To be honest, i dont think that there is much that you can do at all, just be there for her. never judge her, make sure that she knows she can walk through your door at anytime of the day or night, whenever she may need you, and that you will not be angry, shocked, ashamed at her.
One day, she will realise that she wants and needs help, but until that day arrives, you cannot do it for her.
This website is great, its for all of those affected by EDs, friends and family of those with ana/mia etc:

www.beat.co.uk

If this link doesnt work, just type in beat to your search engine, and it will do it for you.
Good luck, hope this helps.

There's nothing you can do yourself. You need to start by sending her to a good psychiatrist who has plenty of experience with eating orders. Also, there are some in- patient treatment centers. You can probably find out about them on the Internet.

Does she has a boyfriend or someone who she is close to? Talk to them about it, and let them understand how you feel. I am sure they will talk her round if they truly cared for her. Don't worry, i'm sure she wouldn't make it any worse as she is already mature enough to think right. She ought to know the consequences and that you guys love her. Don't worry too much about it k?=)

it would be maybe to simply to say "talk to her..." but its more than that, im 100% sure that the friends have a lot to do with that and she doesnt have selfsteem and that age is very hard to make her change because she is not a teenie anymore,i understand that like a father you are sad, but it will be saddly if she dies, so you have to help her, maybe she doesnt notice it know but in the future her health will be worse,even if she gets mad, try to make her undertstand , tell her that she will lose her teeth and eventually could have cancer if she doesnt stop, is not only about the look is about her life too. Be more strong with her and good luck !

I am living with the exact same situation. My mom is single and I am living at home with her and my sisters. One of them has bulimia, or so she thinks. She refuses to go to the doctor anymore and has already almost died from complications due to this. We lock up our food, doesn't work. Allow her to eat, everything is gone. Try to talk to her, she leaves. Its like we have to walk on eggshells around her or else she explodes at us.
Now this may sound harsh but in my mind my situation is NOT an ED but an addiction to binging and throwing up. Her attitude is horrible to my mother and everyone who has ever tried to help her. She wrecked my moms car, got me in an accident because I had to pick her up from a friend's house at 3 am. Long story there but thats besides the point. My other sister also moved out because of the way she was treated. This is horrible to live this way for my mom and myself, but also for my sister. We have tried EVERYTHING save my mom kicking her out for good.
Now heres my answer. Let her go. Don't back off if its something you decided or you will be taken advantage forever just like my mom. My sister threatens and threatens to move out but we all know she can not live like this anywhere else but at home so we are just feeding into her addiction.

Now for the people thinking that Im a horrible brother for saying these things: Like I said I have done everything possible I could to help. This has been going on for 3 years. One day, when we confronted her about her problem, she had threatened to kill herself and ran into the bathroom and locked the door. I broke it down completely and help her down as my mother and I talked to her for over 2 hours. She changed for about a month til she fell back into the same cycle.

To sum it up, I love my sister VERY much and I think the best thing for HER, not us, is to kick her out of the house so she can be her own person. We are not helping by being silent anymore.
If you have to, lock up your food or outright hide it. Confront her if you have to. Don't allow her to stay if she doesn't follow the rules, just like any other child coming of age. Just let her know you are doing it for her, not for you. Don't forget to say you love her of course.

(Sorry for the rant, I've been holding it in here too)

I'm sorry to hear this its very sad. I would call ur local police station and hospitals and ask if there is anyway she can be forced in to a hospital. I know she is 23 but maybe if u can make them see that she is a danger to herself she can be forced in to a hospital. I know how she feels I used to self harm and was bulimic.

See sections 16, 39, and 44, at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris Print/refer her, for when she is ready to tackle those problems, if ever. The time to do something about it was several years ago, when you could have forced her into treatment, but, who know; sometimes people change.