I need help... i ALMOST feel as though my eating disorder is coming back...?

so im a junior right now. will be a senior in august. and ive struggled with an eating disorder and depression since freshman year. i was hospitalized. now im so happy and full of life again. and i am healthy. im 17, 5'4.5'', and 126 pds. but i think im almost becoming ...well really obsessive about my body/weight. i run 3 miles a day, 200 crunches, ab video, and all the machines at the gym 6 days a week. if not the machines at the gym one day then the other 3 things i listed. and if i dont workout, i seriously freak out and go run at least 2 miles no matter what time it is. i feel dirty if i dont workout. and i am STRICT on my diet. everyday since sunday ive had between 1200-1300 calories. nothing over. and it is ALL healthy. i refuse to eat anything with more than 7 grams of fat or high calories. its being healthy, but its almost becoming obsessive. i went to gas station after school with a friend before rehearsal and i literally couldnt buy anything even though i was STARVING

because it all had too many calories and fat. and i found a special k bar at 90 cals there, but i didnt even get that because i just thought it wasnt worth it to eat that 90 calories.

and i dont eat anything no matter what after dinner, even if im hugnry. and i dont eat after 6/7. and i look at my body constantly at home in the mirror. and measure myself a multiple times day. and i cant sleep at night because i think about my body, calories, and what ill eat the next day EVERY SINGLE night.
and sometimes when i cant sleep i get up and examine and pinch the fat on my stomach.

i can tell when things are getting out of control, and i know they arent now. because i feel in control and i feel healthy, not sick.
but still..its kinda freaking me out.
and im coming up with excuses not to go to dinner with my friends tomorrow, and im almost having a semi-panic attack about that situation. because i know ill have to eat alot..

what should i do?

Although I am not a licensed therapist, I would have to agree that it sounds like there is an important aspect of your life in which you feel you do not have control, so naturally you are excessively putting all your energy into areas where you do have control. What I can attest to is my own experience, and I agree, the last thing you want to do is go back to that eating disorder therapist. It makes absolutely no sense to me why she would weigh you. The therapist should be teaching you to be health concious, not weight concious. Like you said, you know when you feel healthy, a number on a scale shouldn't dictate that. Especially knowing that you exercise all the time. Also, 126 pounds of muscle mass is different from 126 pounds of fat. Sure, a 126 pounds is a 126 pounds, but the "space" that one pound of muscle occupies is about 22% less than one pound of fat! And at 5'4.5" , that gives you a BMI that boarders between normal to under weight. With that said, I would stongly suggest replacing at least one of your daily routines with Yoga. I think incorporating Yoga will satisfy your complusion to exercise, while instlling mind/body balance. I know it may sound silly, and I too found it hard to believe that Yoga could 1) provide a real workout and 2) get me to sit still for a minute, but it has truely been a life saver. It has helped me to listen to my body, have more confidence in my appearence, and more importantly, quiet the obsessive thoughts. My first Yoga DVD that inspired me the most was Gentle Energy Yoga with Kim. Totally low impact, a little corney, but very effective. As far as eating out with your friends, I would suggest you ask them to go out to eat, but you choose the restuarants. I'm not sure where you live, but maybe you guys can make a point of surfing the net and venturing out to restaurants outside the local area that offer healthy/organic/ethnic/vegan dishes. Oh, and about the gas station situation, I have been there before. To avoid starving without the risk of putting empty calories from non-nutrious foods in your body, I would suggest always leaving the house with an energy bar, or even some type of single serving pack of granola/trail mix/almonds. Once again, you got to be health concious, not weight concious. For instance, let's say you were at that same gas station because your car ran out of gas, and is totally on empty. Certainly, you filling your car up with the cheap stuff wouldn't be the best for your car's performance, but it would be good enough to get you home. Our bodies are the same, and while running on cheezy unleaded isn't the best choice, it will carry us a lot farther than an empty tank! :-) Honestly, you sound like a very intelligent individual, with a bright future. I applaud you for reaching out for help before these concerns become problems. I encourage you to continue seeking support so that you can overcome the true source of this obsessive thinking; your experience and wisdom can influence the lives of others suffering from the same thing, once you do! :-)

you need to calm down :) and talk to someone. a counseller perhaps?
at least you are strong enough now that you know you dont want to go down that path again.
i think you need to cut down your exercising abit. i exercise every day but i have at least one or two days a week where its not even exercise, like i walk my dog or dance around the house crazily when no one is home. the main thing is i dont think of it as exercise.
also i think you need to up your calories, just by 100 or so. think of your body as a car and it needs good fuel to do what you need it to do.
most of all remember you dont want ot be back in hospital again.
good luck :)

I dont think you should worry about it and just enjoy all the other things you could do instead of working out all the time. It doesnt matter how much you weigh or eat. think of all the time you spend working out when you could be having lots of fun with your friends. Just enjoy your life with no worries:)

You say 'Im so happy and full of life', but it doesn't sound like it to me. How can you be happy when your mind is constantly filled with thoughts of what to eat and when you probably obsess in front of the mirror for a lot of time. I do the same and I know I sure as hell am not happy. Like me, you have to decide if you want to spend the rest of your life obsessing over this, or if you want to focus on the you that lives inside that body.

its not about what your eating it is whats eating u. whatever is going on in your life maybe not good 4 u this way u have control over your life instead of maybe boyfriend? parents