What should I do about my eating disorder?

I have been sufferring from an eating disorder since I wsa 15, I am 21 now. It first started as anorexia when my dad relapsed after an 8 year sobriety to drugs, I guess it was my way to cope. After he cleaned up again, for a while at least, I got to a healthy weight and went off to college and things seemed okay from ages 17 to 19. Now for the last two years I have been bulimic mostly my weight has gone from 135 to 105 and I'm 5'8. My boyfriends knows about it and has even helped me go see a therapist about 1 1/2 years ago, but I never felt that worked. Other than my boyfriend nobody really knows about it, or if they do they don't know how much of my time it really consumes. My mom thinks I'm thin beacuse I like to run but they see no problem. I feel so lost and I do want help I'm just afraid of the healing process and Im afraid I don't even know how to be a normal human again and simply eat. I've had 3 root canals, and I'm tired of it all. I need an opinion from a non biased person.

I've been dealing with an eating disorder for years but didn't admit it til about two years ago when I started talking to the right counselor. I read several fantastic books - mine is binging and compulsive overeating - kind of the opposite, so it's hard to understand what's going on in your head when you're talking to yourself.

I recently told a friend of my disorder, and she made a casual statement about how people who binge probably don't realize they do it. I gave her an "in my head" monologue of what I tell myself when I go through a binge. She was utterly amazed at this because people who don't understand equate the disorders with lack of intelligence, and they don't understand why you can't just quit doing what you're doing.

That's my point here...there are so many layers upon layers as to what promoted your eating disorder and you need to take the time to make yourself important to YOU and to appreciate who you are so that you can gain control of your health and your life. You are not responsible for the behaviors of others, like your dad, so remember to tell yourself deep down that you can love him just fine with his imperfections.

Boyfriends are great, but make sure they don't mask the problem - that you aren't avoiding putting yourself first because you're putting him first. I don't know the first thing about what you would tell yourself in your head - I only know how I justify binges... but everything I've read comes down to we are stuffing our emotions down deep or punishing ourselves for something.

If you have something in your past that is a deep dark secret that's haunting you, remember it's in the past. That's so easy to say, but it truly is... just a memory. Your future is what is possible now, not the past.

I may not be of much help here, but I just wanted you to know that even though we don't suffer the same disorder, there are people out here who have compassion for you and your situation and wish you all the best.

Sweetheart, two words. Your beautiful.

Umm you definitely need to get help. Any thing like that is very addictive. If you're so used to throwing up, when you eat, you feel like you have to do it everytime or youll gain weight. It is a disorder, so usually you cant just fix it by yourself. Maybe try seeing a therapist about it again, and give that another shot. Other wise, Im sure theres help lines and other help in your area. Its good at least your boyfriend knows...and hes being supportive.
But definitely get help because it can cause so many problems! Having 3 root canals is only the beginning. Good luck!

eating disorders unfotunately never go away , like drug addiction we must learn how to work through it and cope. eating disorders are our way of having control , we can control whats going in and out . but hears the deal it is going to lead to your untimely death. find a better therapist and address your depression issues, stop letting dads issues take over your life its for him to manage not you. the healing process is hard approach it one day at a time you have to crawl before you can walk i hope i have helped you