What to do now with this eating disorder?

okay well this is what happens. i was anorexic for a year, then i was put on a "fat" diet. then i gained so much weight and went back to anorexia. then after 1 year, i decided i needed to be normal cuz my head was controlling me. anyway, it was hard, but i started to eat with the help of my friends. then i got fat. so then i went back to anorexia.but then my body wanted food. i wasnt hungry, it just wanted food soooo bad. so i started to binge a lot. its been going on since before xmas and well i started the path of a bulimic. the toilet is my friend now, instead of the dizzy spells and hair loss. anyway, ive now stopped (its been 2 weeks) and sadly im on the road to anorexia again cuz i feel fat. i cant go back though cuz i have to be an example to a lot of people who are trying to recover or trying to go anorexic. i cant let them down. but anyway, now that i dont eat as much, i still feel full. sometimes i wake up and eat at 2 pm cuz thats wen i get a little hungry. i feel so full. i can eat one meal a day (oatmeal with banana) and a snack of frozen strawberries and thats it, cuz i feel sooooo full. right now i got out of martial arts class and my stomach is bloated and full. like idk wats wrong. im losing weight, but i feel so full. idk wat to do. and i dont want to seem nasty, but i heard we have to do # 2 about twice a day. and well....i go about 1 every 2-3 days...i havnt told my parents about my eating disorder (im sure they know), but idk i feel really full, but the cravings are gone so thats good. but the problem is that now im fighting to stop going on my anorexia road, and well this "full feeling" isnt helping. blah blah idk i really dont wanna go there, but it sounds pretty good to me right now. my stomach looks like a ball and i really dont appreciate that.

You have to focus less on the superficial and more on who you truly are. Forget how you look, forget societal standards, forget your weight, discover who you truly are and learn to LOVE yourself for who you are, not what weight you will be.

I also suffer from bulimia, and it has been the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. Plummeting grades, hair loss, feeling fat, not being able to purge after binges, bloating. It's been ****. But theres one hope that I look forward to, its to be able to live freely of any form of fat thoughts. I'm not fat, i'm a healthy weight...by clinical standards. But I bought this book the other day called "The Art of Happiness" (aha, I know) by the Dalai Lama, I have yet to read it, but it looks like the type of thing I need, you need.

To discover and love yourself for who you are, for who your are as a SOUL rather than who you are as a body. It's important for me to separate the two.

EDIT- I don't mean to sound all righteous and philosphical, but if you could focus more on your character, who you are as a person, rather than what you look like, I'm sure it would help. It's helped me, so far. Although I still have "anxiety fat attacks", it helps to know that who I am as a person will contribute far more in this world, and during my lifetime, than what my body looks like at the present moment

recovery is difficult, but the first thing that is necessary for your successful recovery is something that has already occurred - your willingness to 'stop going on your anorexia road'. if you want to recover, it will be easiest for you if you talk to your parents and confess what is going on, especially if you feel that they already have an idea of this. they will probably be glad you trusted and confided in them, and they will be able to bring you to the doctor, who can recommend a good nutritionist who specializes in eating disorders, and a psychologist who will be able to help you in your recovery. if you don't want to tell your parents, however, my advice is to slowly start increasing the amount of food you eat, which it seems you have already done.
when you were anorexic, your stomach actually shrank which is what is making you feel so full right now. also, when you force your body into starvation mode, your brain generally stops receiving hunger signals from your body, so you may not feel hungry for a little while. also, you have accustomed yourself to eating small amounts of food, so what looks like a lot to you could actually be very little.
the easiest way for most recovering anorexics to gain weight is to eat things that are higher in calories because they are less filling and are sometimes easier to eat than huge amounts of something low-calorie. you also should make sure that you are getting foods from every food group, because many anorexics cut out food groups such as fat or carbohydrates even though these are both very important to the body. some calorie-dense foods you may want to try eating include: granola, nuts, peanut butter, bagels, trail mix, sports bars, ice cream, avocados, full-fat yogurts and pizza, but anything that is dense in calories that you want to eat is probably good for your body at this point. also, since you're having a lot of problems with feeling full, you might find it easier to drink an Ensure or Boost rather than eat something with an equivalent amount of calories. Ensure and Boost both have a variety of nutrients and come in several different flavors, but if you don't like them, another alternative that might be helpful for you is sports or meal replacement bars, such as Kashi GoLean bars, which have 280 calories each. for now, try to remember your goal of recovery, increase the amount you're eating (try increasing it by about 200 calories per day), and think about talking to your parents.
as someone who also has an eating disorder, i understand how difficult recovery is. if you have any more questions or need any more help, my email is laurel117@gmail.com