How can I hide my eating disorder?

I am 5'4", and I weigh 128 lbs. I say I've been anorexic for over 4 years, and my new fiance' says I need to start eating. I "BINGE" eat. And that is DEFINETELY not helping me lose the weight. I want to weigh what I weighed when i was on drugs. (But, w/o the heroin and cocaine). I felt so good about myself, being small. I weighed 98 lbs. while I was on drugs. Do you think I am using my ED as a substitute for drugs? I feel sick whenever I look in the mirror. I still have some size 0-4 jeans, and I get very depressed knowing I can't fit into them. I keep them for my GOAL. Diet pills don't work for me, because I don't want to get addicted. I am in a size 9 now, and it is literally making me sick. I look at all the beautiful women who are thin, and it causes problems between my fiance' and I. Because I think he is attracted to them. Even though my man says he loves me for me, and doesn't want me to be THAT skinny. But, I guess I am not doing it for him. I am doing it for myself. HELP!!!

OMG! You need help!!!...this is not a good mindset to have. There's nothing wrong with how you are now. You are totally great with that weight. I struggle with my body on a daily basis and I've come to the realization that it's driving me nuts to have that mentality of trying to have the perfect body and compare myself to what I see around me including on tv and in magazines...those people are fake, they are not real. You don't want to live your life in a constant battle physically, emotionally and mentally? It sounds like you are not a happy person and if so, you need to change what you are doing to yourself! Is all that binging and wanting to be super skinny worth your life?! You sound like you're on a fast track to death!I'm sure your fiance' wouldn't want to live without you as well as your family and friends. PLEASE! Seriously think about what you are doing to yourself. These "beautiful" women you see shouldn't be what you guide your life and appearance by. The first step is to admit you have a problem which you've done so that's good. Now you need to talk to a counselor or perhaps attend a treament facility that can help you. Good Luck! Source(s): College classmates with eating disorders, documentaries, my parents (both doctors), friends who are therapists

i think you should get some help before you kill yourself, seriously. even though i'm waiting my time writing this because you're not going to listen to me or anyone else who is smart enough to know that you're going to die eventually. whatever, it's your life...
eating disorder? 128lbs?? are you kidding me? from what i see u have no eating disorder..ur just an average weight..and now u wanna be anoxeric? 98lbs?!! thats a big no no..ur fine the way u are!! i'm 5'4 and 113...now i should be worried...please.
You need to get some professional help. The best thing you can do is throw out your old clothes. I had an eating disorder and it was no joke. When I look back at the old pictures, I wonder how I ever thought I was attractive. I was a stick with a boy's figure. You need to get a grip, appreciate your curves, and stop pissing off your fiancee with your neuroses and jealousy.

Do some reading about the effects of anorexia on your body. Please don't think about having children with your future husband until you start taking care of your body.
hunny you have a eating disorder. im scared for you if it gets out of hand you could die, my best friend died from anorexia. and losts of people do die from it. you are no where near fat your mind tells you that you are you need help. its not healthy and its bad for you. stop what you are doing and get some help. im serious.
You are a whiny little ***** and you need to get over yourself. It sounds like an attention ploy to me. A size nine for your height is not bad and a size zero is VERY unrealistic. There are plenty of women, me included, who would LOVE to be a size nine. Be happy with yourself and be happy you have a man who loves you and wants you to be well.