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| *Women health>>>Eating Disorders |
What is the best way for me to deal with my depression/eating disorder/suicidal tendecies? |
I would have to say that this all started around the time my father left when i was 14(5 years ago), since then my life seems to be spiraling out of control. First was the depression and failed suicide attempt, then the bulimia, then the drinking and drugs. Ive seen a therapist, dont think it helped much, and im really not sure where to go from here. Some days are just really bad. I would have to say the worst part of this is the fact that everyone thinks that i am just fine now. Nobody knows the real me, the family thinks that the therapy after the suicide cured me completly when that couldnt be further from the truth. i am out of ideas and i hope that this will help. You just did the first step! You should probably go to some sort of clinic (possibly far away from home) and see if you can enroll. Believe in yourself & God. He'll show you the way. i had the same issue as you except for the father leaving, and bulimia, drugs, and drinking problem. ive been on so many anti depressants to count. i dont know if you have tried any or if you believe in them. i have to tell you, i really like effexor. when i was 14 they started me on different drugs. i had it really bad to the point where i was so afraid of going to school. right now im on the depression medicine and anxiety medicine. the anxiety medicine is a quick "chill" pill, which helps calm you down if you start freaking out or have weird thoughts, etc. when i was younger i hated life and i didnt see a point in living it. now i love life, and ive made so many new friends! i don't ever want to die, not soon anyways =D i hope this helped you, also i went to see a counselor, which did not help me either. Good luck! My opinion - find another therapist first. Try an actual psychiatrist. Also, consider taking something like Zoloft - I think it helps with some obessive thoughts. I know what you mean about people not knowing you or what is really happening inside you. BUT from experience I'm going to tell you - no one knows the real anyone - seriously. We all feel things inside that no one knows. Accept it and allow it to go away. Regarding suicide. Suicide, if successful is permanent for you but may not be so for others. So if your trying to hurt someone, suicide is not the answer. If you just don't want to live anymore, you have to take a moment and think about a couple of things. What is bugging you today, may not be bugging you tomorrow or next week. You will never know if its going to go away or become less important if your not here. Plus, in this world things change on a dime, seriously. There is nothing you can do about it and there is no control you have over it. The only thing you have control over is you. Make a decision to be mad and pissed off about your dad leaving - but put a time limit on it. Say until Sunday your going to be pissed off. Then on Sunday tell yourself your done. You've given him the time and now your done. If your drinking and doing drugs your probably trying to deal with something - like your father leaving or something. Don't give alcohol or drugs or even bulimia the power to rule you. Sounds easy but its not and that's why you can't commit suicide. Your not going to be a quitter. Don't give up - thats taking the easy way out. Always remember God LOVES you. You are a precious child of God. Look around you. There is a lot to enjoy and take delight in, for example nature and people. Stop wallowing in self pity and self hatred. Get up and enjoy life. Find someone that you can trust and confide and talk out your feelings. First you have to understand that you did not choose for your Father to leave, it was his decision, its his loss. You also have to let your therapist know how you feel, never hold back from your therapist, they are there to help us understand why we feel the way we do, because when we are depressed, we cannot. Also realize that all this will pass, you will not feel like this forever, but you need help now to cope. You have a wonder full life ahead of you, you are going to see and do so much, I only wish I were your age again to see all the stuff the future has to hold. And remember this, God never seems to be there when you need him BUT he is always on time, this will pass for you, go on with your life and keep getting the help you need, there will be a time when you will look back at your situation now and say Thank God I did not take my life back than, look at all I am blessed with now, I know because I was you back than, it turned out I have a really good life now, I am blessed, and so my friend so shall you be, God Bless you, you will be in my prayers. So since the attempt you've been back on stage and everyone thinks you are ok. Obviously by writing this your facade is cracking and unless your mom, friends, sisters, brothers, whoever is around aren't paying attention they are seeing it too. Just because one therapist didn't work don't give up, I am turning 35 day after tomorrow and just finally found the one I needed. (don't freak out--the first one I had did such a number on my brain I gave up on therapy until I was 33.) I went through life from the age of 17 on that stage and believe me hon. It is not worth it at all. I missed my life--don't you do that too. |
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