How do I live with someone who has fibromyalgia without enabling them?

loosing my tolerance
they sleep too much and use the meds as an excuse

Sorry, you are having trouble, I have it too, I have had it a very very long time. My husband gets mad, bitches, complains, you name it, it only makes me feel worse, tense up, have more stress, and that equals more pain, more pain equals more fatigue. Pain medications are not an excuse, my husband complains about that too. But after having 8 operations in the past 13 months and going to the doctor's with me, hearing it from the horse's mouth, he is more understanding now.

But most patients who have fibro also have a slew of other things shutting down and going wrong too. Chronic fatigue syndrome, and what they call fibro fog. I hadn't heard of it before until last year, but now I know why I had all the moments of stopping and going "what was I doing? or suppose to do?

Pain also causes depression, so she does need medications, our bodies are going haywire and we have no control. It is no fun for us, our lives are taken away from us. I can't work now and I miss it, I also miss having a income! My doctors say no way, at least not now, but I worked 13 years with it but only with medication was I able to work, and my doctor wanted to see me productive, but you can only do it for so long.
Please be patient with her, try counseling. If it were you, would she stand by you and be understanding? I know I would. Rest for us is the only relief, google it and read three web sites at least, and see if you change your mind about it, Please?
I don't know you, but I hope God watches over you both. Yahoo has support groups too. Please listen to her physicians and try to think of it as a disease it is a recognized condition and acknowledged by the AMA. I hope it works out. (smiles)

I have fibro and I hate that people think that it is a hypochondriacs disorder.

Imagine every cell in your body hurts and is just vibrating at a different pitch. Then have it hurt when someone even hugs you.

To top it off, your energy level goes right down the crapper, and you didn't even take medication.

I refuse to take medications for my fibro because all the doctors want to do is dope me up or give me head meds.

I hurt and I make due with message therapy and meditation and biting the bullet.

It is hard to live in pain, and it is hard to live with someone who is in pain. You are going through a rough time as your partner does, and you are both adjusting to management issues. That sucks, and I am sorry. However, your local hospital or clinic should offer things such as pain management counseling and classes. These are DEFINITELY not only for the fibromyalgia sufferer, but for partners as well. Go with them to their appointments and to therapy. You need to learn how to cope with this as much as they do. You will both learn how to deal with it and live your lives it, but you need real assistance.

good luck.

Fibromyalgia is a real disorder. Have they been diagnosed by a Rheumatologist? This would be helpful. The pain is severe. I live with this disorder and can vouch for the pain being very real and intense. I am currently with a life partner who is just learning about my condition and frequently gets frustrated and angry about my limitations. It is important to have understanding and supportive people surrounding you to help the stress levels stay low. The higher the stress levels the more the pain affects you. Your friend does need encouragement to stay active. Staying in bed or not exercising will cause the pain to increase and take over. But at the same time too much exercise will cause more pain. The Arthritis Foundation suggests starting exercises at 5 minutes a day and working up to more. Make sure they take naps and get rest, but they should be doing some movement in between resting periods. Try to find a support group, this will be extremely helpful.

I personaly belive thet FM is my challange not to allow it ti be an excuse. I also have to learn where to draw line.I admit using FM as reason not to attend party but that is a rare event.My husband has assisted in certian chores like putting wheels on laundry cart helps me but I still do laundry.I think it is a personal choice to not let FM be an excuse and as for you enabeling..you will learn how to be helpful with out just doing for someone with FM.Fine line but it is the person with FM who has that decision of how to come to grips with FM. Just a personal opinion .

First, you are worried about enabling someone with a medical syndrome, which they have no control over? OK, you definitely need to do some more research to better understand your mate's issues. No one would choose to live like this. Secondly, your partner is very lucky to have you. You are asking good questions and need real answers. Here is what I have experienced.

Fibromyalgia Syndrome is an elusive condition, which is not imagined but real. Most Western medicine is used to treat the symptoms not the actual syndrome. Those who suffer with it also suffer numerous other afflictions like IBS, migraines, muscle spasms, depression, insomnia, etc.

Next, how to live with someone with FS... Anything you can do to be supportive and lighten your mate's physical work demands at home will help. I get help pouring my large laundry detergent into smaller bottles. This way I don't have to repetitively lift the extra weight, which will fatigue me on a bad day. I don't vacuum or mop, my family helps with those chores. I do dust, dishes, cook and most of the laundry but not all the time. My family helps with all chores requiring lifting or repetitive motions as those expend too much energy.

For years I used a technique called "pacing" without ever knowing it had a name. When I am feeling less pain I do more. When my body tells me to sleep I sleep, sometimes two naps a day. Yes, when I am having a bad episode I can almost sleep around the clock until it passes, eventually it will. Daily stretching is the best exercise for me. Lowering the amount stress will also improve the pain and fatigue level.

You may have to take on more when your mate is working to find the right medicine and at the correct dose. Most of these medicines come with side effects, which can be as bad or worse than the symptoms they treat. It can be a balancing act, which needs to be adjusted continually so your support and understanding becomes very important. There are finally some new medications available to treat FS instead of the symptoms!

Survival of this syndrome as a couple is possible if you understand how to handle its symptoms and work as a team to manage them. Good luck and best wishes.

Maybe you need to learn a little understanding. I read something interesting at a fibromyalgia site recently. Place a clothespin on your fingernail for 20 minutes. See if you can tolerate the pain that long. There are times when I hurt just that bad or worse and for longer than 20 minutes. And as this site makes the point, I don't have the option of taking the clothespin off. This person you are living with is in the same situation. Chronic pain is something I would never wish on anyone, but sometimes just a taste would do significant others so much good. As far as the sleeping too much, part of the syndrome is unrefreshing sleep. Until the sleep issues are resolved...insomnia, trouble falling asleep, trouble staying asleep, restless leg syndrome, sleep apnea, etc, this person will continue to need more sleep than seems necessary. Using meds as an excuse? Are you saying that this person is saying that the meds are the reason for sleeping too much? Could be. Could also be depression. Wouldn't you be depressed if you had a clothespin snapped on parts of your body all of the time? Whatever the cause of the excessive sleep, this person's dr needs to be made aware of it so that changes can be made. In the meantime, clothespins are available at most discount stores.