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| *Women health>>>Fibromyalgia |
Anyone deal with Fibromyalgia in a loved one? How? |
I've been in an on again off again relationship for 7 years with a woman who has fibromyalgia. Long story short she's always in pain and can hardly function in a relationship. We can't go to the movies, dinner, nada. I've tried to deal with the no affection part of it but it ain't working. There's no way around the fact that men and women need love and "affection". I don't like the idea of finding that affection somewhere else because part of me does love her and always will. I don't care about the no cooking or cleaning, laundry etc...I can do all that myself no problem. Fact remains i need affection. I've contemplated marriage but without the affection part it would never work and I don't want to hurt someone. Deal with it, marry her and try to make it work? Deal with it and just be friends and look for someone else? Any suggestions? I have looked at this question a couple of times since you posted it... trying to decide how to answer and trying not to be angry because I had suffered (and even functional until the past 5 years) from many medical issues all of my life, including Fibro. You have been in a relationship for 7 years.... 7 YEARS..... does this woman know the teeter-totter you are on as it relates to your relationship with her? You place affection as "affection"... so by that I am going to imagine that you are really referring to SEX How many quadraplegics do you think live without sex? NEED.... no a person doesn't NEED sex.... want, sure most folks want sexual contact.... Should you even "get that from somewhere else?".... well that isn't for me to judge... but I would say that you are in a long term relationship with this woman... and if.. and ONLY IF... both of you are in agreement that you should fill that desire with another person.... don't hide it behind her back... that would just be WRONG... and it seems from your post that you realize that. I have lost more in my life due to health issues than most people can imagine... this isn't only true of me, this is true of most people with Fibro or other diseases like Fibro. This is a woman that you would consider marrying if you could have a regular sex life (from what you are saying... you say you have contemplated marriage....) What happens if you marry someone, have an active sex life, and then they are suddenly quadraplegic in an auto accident.... are you then going to still need to find sex somewhere else? If sex... if that is really the ONLY reason you hesitate to marry this person... then you need to take some time.... go back to being just friends for a while... but DO NOT get involved with another woman (not emotionally, not sexually, etc...) until you have given yourself time to reach far enough inside yourself to know The man I was married to... he didn't have as high a sex drive as I did... people who didn't know me very, very well had no idea how much pain I lived in daily... still working, still raising my son, etc.... Brad & I very rarely had sex because it just wasn't all that important to him. Then.... when my health bottomed out, he wanted to divorce... he hadn't planned on my being less functional, he had always planned on having a child (not adopted)... and it was the fact that I was no longer able to be Super-Woman that he decided to part ways. Raymond... the man I am with now.. he met me after I could no longer work... could only do light housework on occasion... couldn't go to movies, couldn't go to dinner, so forth & so on ... in addition.... sex was just plain painful most of the time as it triggered other muscle spasms.. like charlie horse cramps all over my body..... He is a loving man.... he didn't run, he doesn't look elsewhere... sex just isn't as high a priority for him.... because he has matured (maturity in person, not necessarily in age) enough to know what was really important to him. I will also add... so many times, I see young men getting married, thinking marriage is going to be like a sexual buffet.... and sometimes it is.... but more often times, it just isn't.... the men & women who have problems with this... are the ones that focus on the sex as opposed to the love in thier relationship. you need to decide are you going to base the marriage on love or on sex, if you really love her then the sex part is not an issue, if you can not handle the thought of being married and not being able to have sex then you do not need to marry her, and just beacuse you are not getting sex does not mean you are not getting love and affection. as a male that has been married for over 25 years and has a wife who has many diseases and can not have sex 95 % of the time due to the problems she has, it is not an issue the marriage is not based on sex it is based on love, and the affection is what you get from being together, watching tv, talking, and holding each other, and we can't go out to dinner and movies and any of that either, but we spend all our time together and enjoy being with each other. So you need to decide what is more important here, your love for her to accept her as she is or the fact that you may not get any sex and go from there, and if you wish to talk more about this and how to deal with it you can email me at poohinmissouri@yahoo.com and I will be glad to chat with you about it all you want and i even have a free chat room where people with diseases and problems meet and talk everyday and it might help you |
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