I was diagnosed with genital herpes about 3 years ago, I just got out of the relationship that I was in for a

I was diagnosed with genital herpes about 3 years ago, I just got out of the relationship that I was in for about 3 yrs where I contacted the viruses, but my questions is this do you think that it is acceptable to have sex with some body (safe sex ) and no tell them that you have herpes? I don鈥檛 have any other std鈥檚, I know that you can spread herpes when you are having an outbreak but if I have safe sex when I am not having an outbreak am I a horrible person for not telling my partner who ever it may be that I have herpes (not that there is anybody at this time ) I mean I just don鈥檛 know where to even start that conversation I mean what if they go around and tell my secret I would be not very imbarsed because I work in the medical field so I know 1 out of 3 people have this disease but I would very much like to avoid people knowing I just would like some out side opinion on the topic maybe some body that has had the same issuesandwhat they did,and how, and whatwastheoutcome

A lot of people have a moral issue with this, so you are bound to get some really aggressive answers, and probably one or two answers telling you you should never have sex again apart form with someone else who is infected.

I don't have an issue with not telling. I think expecting everyone to tell you everything they have or have had before they have casual sex with you is truly ridiculous. If you or anyone else, choose to have sex with someone, you cannot know if they are telling you everything and as such you take responsibility for your own risk - if you have sex, you are putting yourself at risk, and you cannot lay the blame on any partner. That is my belief. I have had partners tell me months into a relationship, just in passing, that they have had warts. They never told me before, and how is that any different? But I didn't blame them.

80% of people with genital herpes do not know that they have it so obviously none of them are ever going to tell anyone, and 80% of people have oral herpes, and yet I have NEVER had a person feel it is a moral duty to tell me they are infected with oral herpes before they kiss me or give me oral sex and put me at risk of catching genital herpes!

Surveys have shown that although most people who know they have herpes will tell a long term partner, only a small minority ever tell casual partners or people they don't see a future with.

Were I single, I would tell someone I saw a future with, but I would NEVER tell someone I was having casual sex with. As far as I am concerned that is my right and my business.

I don't know, I live in the northern UK, and maybe our ideas of what is morally 'right' are just a bit different. I have told lots of people, and the first thing anyone ever says is just pretend you don't have it and never tell anyone, it is your business. There is no attitude about expecting to be informed, and people blame themselves if they actually catch something.

you picked "pretend you dont have it and dont tell anyone" as the best answer?? everything else she said was real, but damn....the brutal truth. Thats how it goes 'round the world Report It

I think the partner has the right to know. I do understand it can be a tricky situation and I would have absolutely no idea how to bring it up while you're seeing someone but I guess it's just a matter of the person really liking you for who you are. Goodluck and I'm sure you'll find someone who will respect you as a person.

I know it will be difficult, but you really should tell because you obviously didn't know when you contracted it and while you don't say, I am sure you were angry, hurt and a bunch of other emotional things when you found out.

The right thing to do is let them know what they are getting into, even though it's safe sex, they still have the right to know.

I think that you will need to tell your new partner. I think it is responsible that you will have safe sex. Are you on Valtrex as this can help reduce your outbreaks and help in not spreading the disease? Check out this website as it will give you advice about telling your partners about herpes.

http://www.ashastd.org/herpes/herpes_emo...

You can pass the virus even when you're NOT having an outbreak, so it is morally right to inform any person you "have relations with" that you have herpes, and to refrain from relations until you DO tell them.

I'm in exactly the same position as you. I found out that I had it in my last relationship and now I'm single for the first time with it.

When you ask yourself whether or not it's such a bad idea if you don't tell someone, simply think of whomever didn't tell you, and now you are where you are. It's not a horrible place to be, but I'm guessing you might have appreciated knowing before hand.

It's tough, but it's worth it. I'm guessing more people will respect you for saying it than not. Also, it's a really good filter for jerks. Not that everyone should be cool with it, but I don't want to be with anyone who's going to freak out on me for having it.

I take the Valtrex once a day. When I first started dating my boyfriend I didn't tell him. I eventually did and he was very understandable. This is hard because the right thing to do is tell the person, but I didn't. You can spread the virus even if you are not having an outbreak. When you are shedding the virus, (look up what that is). IT is a very common disease and it is now the #1 STD. I am sure whoever you are with, if they really care about you will understand. Honestly...some people really blow herpes out of porportion, but most people understand. It is not like it used to be. They can't sure it, but they have medicines that can suppress it.

for me i tell people that i can trust not to spread the word or that i feel have a right to know. i told my parents, of course my bf, and a few close family members. any one else i felt like it was none of their business to know. not every body reacts the same to news like that so be prepared for some people to treat u differently after letting them know. u won't be a bad person for not telling its your right to tell whomever u want. some people are very open about it and some are more selective about who they tell. finding some one that one run for the hills when u tell them will be a bit tricky but if they are mature enough to deal with the situation and not treat u like a leper for having herpes then they may be worth keeping. i am still in a relationship for almost 3 years with a guy who gave me herpes, only he didn't know that he had them too. someitmes i wonder who would accept me if we ever break up, but i don't see that happening any time soon. hope u find some happyness in your life.