I just recently have been diagnosed with genital herpes and i am an emotional reck right now. I feel like it shouldnt have happend, and i feel like i cant go outside feeling like the same person again. I feel like i lost all my pride. I just feel like ill never be able to live my life the same way again. I'm not sure if you're in a relationship....
BUT don't feel you have to resort to herpes dating sites
Don't get ripped off by people who say they have the "CURE"
Don't stress out - it causes outbreaks (haha)
I've had this as a single and married woman - I've found the reaction from new partners to be very relaxed - since so many people have herpes and the chances of transmitting it - if you're careful - is about 2%! Genital herpes is a commonest condition of herpes simplex over the genital region for which there is no need for any apprehension.
Now a days there a lot of quite powerful antiviral antibiotics which when taken orally, and applied locally, in consultation with your Doctor, can give a definite cure.
So no need for any anxiety please. Besides treating the medical aspect of herpes with either Valtrex or Acyclovir, there are support groups and dating sites galore online. A site to check out (so you can talk to people who have been through the same emotional stress) is http://www.yoshi2me.com/ they have links for all the herpes positive dating sites as well as forums etc.
But its really not the end of the world, once the initial shock of this fades you will resume a virtually normal life... just taken a little extra precaution in the bedroom. Everybody feels like this at first. Take a good anti-viral and you won't even know you have it. Make certain that you tell all potential sexual partners about your status- this is probably the hardest thing about having herpes, as there's a lot of ignorance and misinformation floating around out there. People with herpes meet people, fall in love and have great relationships all the time. Don't worry, just educate yourself. In my opinion, the way that u are felling is just the way that u Americans are educated with. In high school...remember?
You all must to start to see the fact of have herpes as something commom...cuz having herpes is something very regular. U are the same person right? Your character is the same right? The herpes problem is only what ignorant people think about...it's a stigmatized disease...but it's so commom that more than 70% of Americans have genital herpes or some tipe of herpes. Please don't freak out...herpes is vry contagious even with a touch from your hand to my hand...we cant get or transmited it. Don't worry and I wish you the best! Let me offer my condolences on your diagnosis. I remember when I was first diagnosed. I felt ashamed, and confused, and angry, and depressed. And I was sure that no one would ever love me again. It was truly horrible.
And since then, I've dated several men (none of who had or got herpes) and married one of them. Honestly, aside from answering Q's on Y!A and getting about one outbreak per year, I don't even think about it. This will get better. Trust me. It will.
If you'd like some advice, I have two suggestions.
One is to lean on your best friends for support. When I was such a wreck, I told a few close friends, who let me cry on their shoulder, took me out for a few drinks, and basically shared my misery. I can't tell you how helpful it was. It didn't make everything all better - but at least I wasn't feeling all alone in addition to feeling ashamed and diseased.
Second, do some research (on RELIABLE sites, not Y!A) about genital herpes. Did you know that if you never have sex during an outbreak, and you and your partner use condoms, your chance of transmitting herpes is about 2% per year? It drops to less than 1% if you're on an antiviral. Some info about herpes is indeed very depressing (gotta tell all your partner, no cure) but some is not (low risk of transmission, no other side effects / complications, 20% of people have it.)
If you have specific questions, please don't hesitate to email me. I've also put two links below. One to my fave herpes site (which also has a toll-free hotline) and the other to the study that showed the 2% transmission rates.
Good luck. It'll get better. Honestly, it will. Isn't it the kind of thing you can control and maintain with medication? Don't you only have flareups occasionally rather than be suffering all the time?
A friend of mine's mother had it, and she had no trouble getting boyfriends - she just had to be up front in the first place and hope that they were understanding. It'll only ruin your life if you let it. It may be a while before you realize it, but I think you'll adapt and be ok. you are not alone 1 in 4 people have it.I ask my doctor. so everywhere you go if you see four people at a table, chances are one has it. with time it will get easier. I freaked out at first to. I am a slight germ -a -phob. this is something you are going to have to work out in your mind. the thing that works for me is 1 in four have it. I think about how many people I work with 1 in four have it. they probably feel just as bad as you do. It will get better with time. hang in there. I understand your "pain", I cannot go into detail as to why, but trust me, I understand.
To cope with depression check out this link
http://www.herpes-coldsores.com/herpes_a...
There are support groups, and tons of useful information about how to cope with outbreaks as well as the social fall out related to having this condition.
For support forums, try this link..
http://www.herpes-coldsores.com/messagef...
I would like to point out, that there is a large percentage of the population that has either Herpes Simplex 1 or 2. I have read some literature where the numbers could be as high as 80-90 percent if you consider HSV1 (typically cold-sores). Here is a link to some statistics.
http://www.herpes-coldsores.com/herpes_s...
How the body copes with and fights the virus... Most folks go on in life with minimal issues. Many others have only a few outbreaks, and as time goes on, less and less outbreaks.
And then a small percentage of sufferers, have several outbreaks a year.
So, for each individual, they must learn to deal with the level of attacks they must endure.
The first thing I suggest, is to REALLY LEARN about the condition so you can act responsibly in the future. I think you will find that you will NOT be limited in your ability to have and keep relationships.
Here is a great informational and support related site for HERPES and it remains somewhat neutral, although it does display certain treatment options, and links to the websites selling these treatment options. That's fine with me, since the site itself contains a wealth of support and info, regarding this WIDELY MIS-UNDERSTOOD condition.
http://www.herpes-coldsores.com The mental effect that herpes has on people is a much bigger problem than the physical and it is rarely talked about by the medical profession.
There are many things that got me to the mental state that I have about H today and helped me overcome the depression (feeling like a leper, social outcast, tainted, etc.) and these things have also helped many others with H.
1st, have join support/social groups, you may feel that you don't need support, but it helps tremendously!!! You could go to meetings or there are tons of online support resources, chat rooms and message forums (the 1st link below has a list of support groups by state, I am an active member of 5 of them)... I love the h-only events that my groups have and I also host h-only parties about every 2 months. It is a great way to meet others with H and get support, plus everyone is so welcoming and understanding (everyone with H has been through the same thing you are going through)
2nd, join online date sites for people with herpes. It might sound lame to you, but after you start chatting with women that will not look down on you or judge you because of H you will understand how much it helps (My dad convinced me to join) ... Personally, I only dated H and have now found that wonderful herpes man that I was looking for. I met him off of mphw (the 1st link will also give you a list of H-datesites) Only dating H men did NOT hinder my date life either and it made it much easier on me..... I'm not saying that everyone with H should only date H, I just found it easier because I NEVER have to have "the talk" before sex, NEVER have to be worry about passing it on to my partner and its great to have that common bond with someone. So, I just found it to be the best thing for me to do.
3rd and most important, you need to understand that YOU are not herpes, you only HAVE herpes! If someone turns you away because of H it is their loss and you are better off without someone that shallow in your life.
H is a minor skin affliction. Its just a rash. Its no big deal, but it has such a horrible social stigma that it causes things such as depression. It will take time, but sooner or later it will seem like just another piss in the wind ;) It's not the end of the road, its just the beginning of a new road. Life will go on.
Hope that helps! Good luck! If you need anything else or anymore info, please feel free to email me: vickimogi@yahoo.com
Vicki you wont cuz ur gonna have to take valtrex for the rest of your life and make sure your partner wraps their weenie or they will get it too. |
