Have you dated someone with genital herpes?? Please help I need advice!!!!?

I do not have herpes, but was informed by a friend that the person I'm trying to date has them. I did not even take it seriously, until I realized how hard this person was making it for me to get with them, despite the obvious attraction. Then it hit me that something was wrong, and herpes did not seem unlikely anymore. Is it typical for someone with herpes to avoid the person trying to date them when they already have expressed a mutual attraction??? I have not slept with very many people, and never want an STD. But I'm in love with this person, and I want to be with them. Is it possible to have a sexual relationship and not get the STD? Obviously it will involve very safe sex. What if the sex is between 2 women? Does that make it safer or not? Are there really times when the virus is not at all active and cannot be passed?? Does it get better the longer you have it? Are the outbreaks always bad? Are any of you virus free but in longterm relationship with someone who has herpes? HELP!

First of all: There is a big difference between herpes simplex 1 and 2. Yes, it is true that 80% or more, carry the virus that causes cold sores, there is a big difference. The oral type does not carry any serious risk; except for cosmetic. Whereas the genital herpes can cause sever itching, pain, and more frequently infertility.

If you really love this person and think that you really, truly, really, really, will be with him forever; i'm talking marrige, kids, the whole thing, then it may be worth the risk. You can opt to not have sex during an outbreak, keep him on his medication, etc.

It is pretty serious. Be careful, use your head...not your heart. Remeber that Herpes is FORVER! Until you die..all the pain, complications, medications, is all forever.

P.S - To the foolish person who gave the first answer. I would suggest that you read a book, and get your info straight before you answer someone in a way that could change their life forever. This most certainly IS A MOUNTAIN!!!!!

Good luck to you dear. :)

i probably wouldn't date him,.....u will probably always be worried about it
I don't have herpes, but married someone who had them. We were married 16 yrs ago and I don't have it - never got it. He told me right away - before we were intimate so I knew right away. He explained to me that he knows when it is coming on and we would simply avoid intimacy until it was gone..... and then let me decide. It took trust that he would keep it safe, and would let me know.
If there are strong emotions and that person cares for you, they will tell you first. Then get all the facts and you decide what your comfort level is. It can be fine if you are smart and safe about it. (by the way also had two children with him and no problems at all - when its not active, its like any other time).
I mean go for it and talk to him about it it is people out there that r couples that have herpes and the other one that didn`t so i say u go for it and they still have sex without the one that us std free still being std free
i would not date him.there are many people in the world without herpes find them.
Yes it is very normal for someone with herpes to avoid the person trying to date them. The fear of rejection is great for herpes sufferers.

It is possible to have a sexual relationship and not get the STI. The virus usually gets passed on when there are symptoms, however it is possible for the virus to be passed on when the carrier has no visible symptoms at all. For this reason it is advisable to take precautions at all times. Your partner can also take medication which will help prevent the spread of the virus.

Having said all of that, the emotional trauma of herpes is far greater for herpes sufferers than the physical symptoms. It is difficult to have 'the talk', as it's known, with a potential partner. Put yourself in their shoes, how hard do you think you'd find it to tell someone you had herpes, regardless of whether they have expressed an interest in you or not? It's not an easy thing to do and for that reason, a lot of herpes sufferers will avoid dating or having to put themselves through that trauma.

As for the physical symptoms - they vary depending on the person. Some people have no symptoms at all and are unaware they are even carrying the virus (which is often the cause of the virus spreading in the community), while others have symptoms which flare up when they are stressed. The longer you have it, the less frequent the symptoms. HSV type I symptoms are usually less frequent than HSV type II.

Hope it helps

silksilksilk
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