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| *Women health>>>Lupus |
Mother in law with Lupus? |
Help I have a mother in law that has lupus. she lives 2 miles away. i have 2 kids that are her grandkids. it seems like she uses this disease to not do alot with any of us. what can i do?? in the same token what can i do to make her life easier. i understand the disease and i know she has BAD days but what can I do to help her out???? Those of us with lupus do have bad days and good days. If we are in a flare, we have lots of bad days in a row. And the profound fatigue can hit you with no warning. Sometimes I have trouble staying alert enough to drive. Lupus can cloud your thinking. So can the drugs we take. Respect the fact that she has to set boundaries on her activities because only she knows how she feels. Anger and depression are very common. After all, our life's hopes and dreams and our health have been ripped away from us. For a while, it is like we are mourning for someone, but that someone is us. Every time there is a new symptom from the lupus we go through all of this again. Reading what you wrote, I can imagine that 4 years ago my sons were saying the same thing. I couldn't drive very far, got fatigued easily and was afraid I wouldn't be able to get home. There were days when I actually could not remember how to get to places I went to often. I would park the car and cry. I avoided social situations for fear of infection. And I hated the way people looked at me with pity when I had a little trouble getting around. Give her some space. Learn more about lupus at www.lupus.org. You may understand the mechanics of the disease but I don't think you understand the emotional impact. So what is this granny doing now? I am back at work after 4 years, I have an active social life, I travel, I see my grandkids. I also watch out that I don't over do and make myself sick. I am still on a low dose of chemo in order to keep my kidneys and on plaquenil, but off everything else. In a word, don't pressure her. That will only make her feel worse physically and emotionally. Bring the kids for short visits. Have them make cards and drawings about happy things. Make your interactions with her something that builds her up. Don't tell her what to do. Go to www.ButYouDontLookSick.com and read the spoons theory. It will give you a much better idea of what she is experiecing. sadly it sounds like she has taken it personally that she developed lupus. This means that her anger goes beyond and beneath everyone in her life. The easiest way to get in under the radar is by finding out the simpler things that make her happy. The things that make her smile without her thinking about them. When she has these things it will cause her to tie simple happiness to you and yours and possibly make her forget about her life's poor hand. Aside from her finding something to overcome the gloom, the only thing that I see bringing her around to being nicer is an epiphany of how she should cherish everything while she can. I wish you the best and may the little things help to overcome the deep sadness. |
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