Wife going through menopause?

We have been married for 29 years and have 2 grown kids (both married and living away from home) We have always had a very healthy and active sex life, we both love each other very much. We are soul mates......Last year my wife went thru the change and stopped having her period...she became very moody, and our sex life ceased.
When we do have sex, which is about once every three months, she says that it hurts her and makes faces and clinches her teeth during the act...(which is not a real turn-on if you know what I mean). I have tried everything, ....from getting her to go to the Dr. for hormone thearpy, to using Liquid Beads to help with the vaganial dryness...I have been patient, caring, loving..but nothing seems to help. I have tried talking to her about it, to see if there was something that I could do....We have tried jells of all kinds. It is now going on 6 months since the last time we made love. I am at my wits end, and very frustrated. I am not old enough to put an end to my sex life.
Does anyone have any suggestions?
(and self abuse is not a suggestion!!!)

I took her on a 7 night caribbean cruise this summer.....had a master suite with a balcony...about as romantic as you can get, but no luck...
She has tried estrogen treatments but said they make her feel wierd...

I called my Mom on this one. She said to tell your wife that she needs estrogen. Don't get a prescription for it but buy the Estroven or Healthy Women, etc. package at Walmart. This is soy estrogen and if she takes it daily, she will feel great. It simply adds in some plant estrogen to her body. It costs about $10 or so for a 30 day supply. There was a study in Asian countries as to why Asian women don't go through menopause. The reason is they eat lots of Tofu which is loaded with soy protein and soy estrogen. My Mom swears by it. Don't do those medical estrogen treatments because it puts her at high risk for breast cancer.

She needs to contact the doctor for more options or even a forum with other women who have gone through the change. She can even find an online forum. If she doesn't you can always find an online forum to be in touch with men and women who can offer you suggestions that worked for them. I also think SHE needs to do something and not think its ok to leave you hanging like that without trying ANY and EVERY option available.

She is not alone I promise you that I am going through the same thing and it is driving my husband crazy this marriage of yours is going to be tested you will love her and understand what her body is doing or you will resent it and hold it against her and I hope you dont divorce her and I hope she goes for hormone therapy I will not take it because of the cancer risks.

Perhaps you should talk to a specialist. Get their advice on what to do. When women go through menopause, we are evil creatures! And the last thing she wants to hear is how she is no longer this or that. She knows things aren't the same, but she cannot control it. I really do suggest you talk to a therapist, perhaps a sex therapist that can give you some great suggestions. Good Luck.

I understand that you must be fustrated but put yourself in her shoes, she must be scared to death and she needs you. If you really love her and your vows mean something than be patient. Take her to the best doc. Talk to her and tell her politely that she still is irresistable to u and you need to make love to her. Allure her with your words. Go for vacation to her fav place.
Best of luck

Been there when I was menopausing I was the meanest person you ever wanted to meet, I didn't like me, didn't want to even think about sex! its the changes a woman's body go through, give it a little more time I'm sure thing will get better in a while. My husband and I have been together 38 yrs. and now our sex life it better than ever!

You have my deepest sympathy.

Estrogen suppositories help.
So does LOTS of lube.

What helps most is if she is willing. That may be your biggest problem.
If she thinks that she is to be done being sexual just because of this you may need to find a new model.

I would not accept the next 20 years without sexuality.
This would be a deal breaker for me.
The concept that marriage is not about sex is misguided.
Marriage is about intimacy.
Sorry but for me intimacy includes sexuality.

I would make it clear that she needs to reexamine this.

Frankly I would not have gone 6 months.

You BOTH need to talk to a doctor if the one she saw didn't help. Remember theres more to a marriage then sex???

I understand what your wife is experiencing. A lot of women (me included) don't want to take the hormones because of increased risk of breast cancer. It is a little hard to explain all the changes we girls go through...(God must have really been pissed at Eve)...and it is baffling even to us. I would think the lubes would do the trick, though. Unfortunately, my husband passed away a few years ago and I don't know what I would do if I got a boyfriend, because I honestly have no desire right now either.

Well I think there is definately some medical help needed. Things have come a long way and there are definately treatments out there that can help you.

You two also might want to take a romantic vacation, try and get a spark going.

I understand that you are not ready to give up on sex but I also understand the words for better or worse which you spoke on your wedding day.

Sometimes people have to accept the fact that part of their marriage is over. I know its easier said then done. However if you take the pressure off and be acaring, loving and romantic husband you might just be pleased at the outcome.

Below you can find some great articles that may just help you

My guess is you are about 9 years ahead of me - wife and I have been together 20 years. If the situation were reversed I know I would find a non-intercourse means of pleasing my wife. So with this situation your wife needs to find a non-intercourse means of sexually pleasing you.

Starving a real man of sex is simply cruel. I know it is not deliberate but ultimately not making the effort to find a solution simply reflects a level of indifference on her part. And it will eventually shorten your life if you let it. And I mean beyond the 6 year longevity spread that men and women start out with.

Sorry for you both, this is hard for her too. I am sure she feels bad. Sadly she doesn't feel bad enough on her own to fix this so you are going to have to force the issue. I would give my wife a choice in this situation, find a mutually tolerable way to please me at least weekly or I will find a lover. I wouldn't leave her, though if she left me over this I would let her. You only get one life.

ps: If my wife was afraid of cancer risk of HRT like "lost" said above I would not pressure her to take it. But HRT or no HRT saying "intercourse hurts" and then not finding a mutually agreeable sexual alternative is just not acceptable.