Snippet of a poem on schizophrenia, what do you think, should I continue?

Ah, Gloria鈥檚 eyes
home to madness and kindness
vortexes of depth beyond depth
and black, a giant all-seeing pupil;
the evil eye flinches in its presence;
she laughs at unknown gremlins
fearful fancies that turn to horror,
and she screams
her eyes possessed.

Gloria is a mother of a friend of mine. She is around sixty years of age, has a huge heart, and is crazy as a loon. All who know her think the world of her, and are saddened when she--her disease--is misunderstood.

This is a poem with a purpose it seems, to elucidate and illuminate the poignant pain of this disease. I like the line"home to madness and kindness" because it adds pathos and shows an understanding of the real nature of the human being eclipsed by the disease. I truly hope that you will finish this poem. You seem to have a good understanding with no hint of condemnation. Thank you.

Absolutely continue!

I also like, home to madness and kindness - for it is a complicated disorder. Please do continue. I am intrigued to see more.

Of course you should continue. This is a service to all who suffer and to all who encounter them. I used to volunteer at a New York City hospital that was home to the severely mentally and physically impaired children of those without much money. The most important thing I learned was that they were not their condition. Inside those brains that could not grasp 2+2=4 were souls as sensitive and as dignified as the smartest and the richest. It was not difficult for me to love them.

C-R-E-E-P-Y!!!!! Gimme more!!!

Yes, please! Do continue!

Like it a lot!!

And thus it has been said, both spoken and the unspoken. Controlled from a mind that is uncontrollable. Words and actions misunderstood by the ignorant, yet in another's mind all is in complete union with itself, it being the only sane mind among the sane.

Please continue, but be careful not to write that which is not part of the disorder.

Robert

is interesting, i say go for it!!

I really love the start you have made. It's funny because it reminds me so much of my own poetry writing - your style, tone and such. I think your start is excellent and extremely insightful in to not just schizophrenia, but mental disorders in general. As one with bipolar, I can actually appreciate the feeling your poem envokes within me. Thanks for sharing and please make sure you share your final product.

I fall into her snare.. pit after darkening pit, finding myself consumed in shadow, wandering in this collapsing supernova alone....
Yes, absolutely. You should definately go for it!
~*WinglessAngel*~

OMG, this is beautiful. It is so perfect, that it hurts -- a child I know is bi-polar, and your poem is her too.

This should be submitted to parent's magazines, as well as, psychology magazines ... with a story about it.

Thank you for sharing this incredible poem.

It sounded a little mundane until I got here:

vortexes of depth beyond depth
and black, a giant all-seeing pupil;
the evil eye flinches in its presence;
she laughs at unknown gremlins

"fearful fancies..." sounds like your forcing the schizophrenia issue a little hard right there.

I also think you could do something a lot more descriptive and imaginitive than "her eyes possessed".

Looking at it now, the second line is effective and it has a nice ring.

Yes I would keep going. Keep telling us the story.

its good so far do what u gotta do and finish it

certainly you use a lot of very good imagery, i would definately continue but you might want (just a suggestion) to write a line and then contadict yourself for schizophrenia. I think you should defo continue but that was just an idea.
:)

Roses are Red
Violets are Blue
I'm Schizophrenic
And so am I