Does mental illness like schizophrenia develop gradually?

I've always had a paranoid feelings of persecution from when I was a young girl. I did get made fun of a lot (everyday) as a young child and being the sensitive type, it totally shot my self-esteem into pieces and I cried every single day sometimes for entire days.

I don't know if it is habit from my younger days that others poked fun at me, but I've went through a tremendously arduous time in high school and as a young adult slowly rationalized my way out of this type of thinking that stemmed from actual reality, turned habitual. I do really regret growing up under such conditions, but since I can not ever take them back, I'm pretty much scarred for life emotionally and this has created in me a certain typology of uniqueness of what was torture or traumatic for me.

Sometimes, every now and then I still can't distinguish subtle reality from figments of imaginary persecution. I was wondering if I have become slightly mentally ill from all the previous psycho-emotive "assaults"

I have low self-image despite my good appearance and it affects me to the extent that I hate guys who look at me at the gym, school, etc. Inside I feel hatred for them at times (not always), as a defense against being hurt?

I am really a bright and cheery person at work, usually at school, and with my immediate family. But I've never had a good relationship because I'm a total wreck when it comes to intimacy. A relationship can be so sweet at first and then all my hatred for everything creeps in, I feel at a loss of control over my life, and I hate it.

I'm a very responsible and dependable person... but in a relationship, it gets me so upset for no reason. My life is all good and I feel confident so people are naturally attracted to that. And then a relationship will totally ruin me emotionally even though he is caring. I just can't understand it. It is the cause of the greatest stress in my life! I'm just perfect and happy alone, but introduce a relationship, I'm a mess.

It sound like you have the type of intimacy issues that a good therapist could help you overcome. In fact, based on what you posted, I'd bet that you won't fully overcome them without help. That is the nature of a difficult childhood. The sooner you do this, the more successful it is apt to be, not to mention the fuller your life will be.

As for mental illnesses, yes they often to develop slowly. You, however, don't appear to have a biologically based problem. If by chance you do, a therapist can help you figure it out including what steps to take to manage it.

not always

Extreme paranoia with no actual basis in reality is a form of psychosis, but other mental illnesses, like bipolar disorder and even severe depression, can involve symptoms of psychosis. I would definitely suggest talking to your doctor and seeing if he could recommend a psychiatrist to talk to. I am bipolar and have had very similar symptoms.

OK, sorry.

But what you describe does not sound highly functional to me. *shrug*

First off, schizophrenia and other mental illnesses are caused by biological or biochemical problems in the brain. A lifetime of being teased or bullied will certainly not help your self-esteem or confidence, but neither will they out and out cause schizophrenia. As for your other questions, schizophrenia often develops very slowly and insidiously over a period of years--so slowly that it is hard for patient, family, or doctors to determine when it began. Sometimes it comes on all at once, though. This is called an acute presentation, and has a better chance of being treated quickly.