My mother was a paranoied schizophrenic and now I think that I might be in the early stages of
developing the illness.
It breaks my heart, and makes me feel so hopeless.. My father, whom I love more than anyone in the
world, has already put up with my mother's schizophrenia for nearly 15 years and finally, a few weeks
ago, she became so violent and threatened him so much that we were so frightened that we finally
had to send her to a clinique (for at least the 7th time).. she wouldn't take her medicine and was
degrading faster than I've ever seen.
I did some online research and discovered that I've suffered from varies symptoms of this disease
ever since I was very young. From the early signs and lists of symptoms that I've read through at this
website,: http://www.helpguide.org/mental/schizoph...
I've found several symptoms that fit me perfectly..
When I was seven and eight, for two straight years, every November or October I would become
extremely depressed and I could not stop crying. This depression seemed to last for at least over
three weeks and there was absolutely no cause or explaination for the depression. I have not
experienced a severe depression like this since.
A few times when I was about 9, I would giggle for absolutely no reason at night. I have not
experienced this symptom since.
I am slightly socially withdrawn. I really don't have a huge problem with talking to other people, even
ones I've never met before- but I dislike big crowds, and do not often seek out social activities. I do on
occasion, but not as often as I would consider 'healthy' for a girl my age.
I am very unmotivated.
I have difficulty concerntrading.
I have a short-term memory, and am very jumpy. (i.e; If I'm standing alone in the kitchen and someone
suddenly walks in, I'll nearly jump up or have a very sharp reaction.) (I don't know if these are
symptoms..)
Sometimes, although I know it's just my brain playing tricks on me and don't believe the delusions, I
feel as if something is standing very close behind me. This usually only occures when I'm taking a
shower, in a very dark area or attempting to fall asleep. (Only when I'm alone, though. If someone is
with me, I do not feel these delusions.)
Once when I was about five, it was very dark in my hall way and I could barely see anything. All of a
sudden, I thought I saw a faint outline of a dog with a chain collar around it's neck, and I ran back to my
room.
When I was very young, I used to believe my parents had servilliance cameras hooked up. I was not
entirely sure about this- and didn't believe it 100%, but I felt very paranoied about it. I do not feel this
way anymore and have not since I was very young.
I'm often unsure of what to say in very serious situations. (Don't know if this is a symptom either..)
Also, my mother told me that I was born one or two months pre-mature, but I'm unsure of this due to the
fact that I was at a healthy weight at birth and my father hasn't confirmed yet that I was premature.
I also experienced trauma at a very early age, most of my first memories are frightening. Memories of
my mother's fits and constant moving across the country (I think) may have affected me in some way
and made the chance of getting this disease higher.
In conclusion, I think I've been developing schizophrenia since a very young age. To me, there are way
too many signs to be ignored and I desperately needed someone's educated opinion. Tomorrow, I'm
going to discuss this with my father and make a doctors appointment. (If it will help..) and see if there
is any way to take medication that can prevent any extreme form of schizophrenia. I realize that this
disease is incurable, but from what I've read, treatment during the early stages can help
considerabally.
Please, I beg you to give me your honest opinions and answers, no matter how dreadful they may be.
And if I'm not over the cliff yet, if I can reverse this some how, please give me advice. I need it more
than anything.
(I'm sorry for the messed up text format. I wrote this on a notepad and it got altered once I pasted into the details box)
(Additional info- since I didn't have the patience to figure out the tag things at the bottom:..)
I'm fourteen, and female (if that helps)
I haven't heard voices or other noises that weren't really there. Not yet, anyway, and most of my more
extreme symptoms occured when I was very young and I haven't experienced any of them even once
since then. No sea turtle your format is great my sister was a paranoid schitzophrenic that threaten many times to kill my dad and mom she commited suicide and yes while we were moving out stuff from her apartment we found written plots to kill them it's a horrible illness they have great medicine out now for it! You seem to have very mild symptoms as so do I. Sea turtle print this out and every time you express your feeling print it then take it to a doctor they will be able to tell you more it really helps
good luck to you (A BIG HUG)
Duane talk to your doctor Honey
First of all you have experienced
a lot of trauma in your short life.
But your not a doctor and I think
that because you were frightened by
your mother disease. But you might
not have it at all. Some of the things
you said, could have been your
imagination. You may just have a chemical imbalance and medication can
help you
You need to talk with your dad
and tell him you would like to talk with a
doctor. If your mother had taken her medication, she wouldn't be where she is now. that's why they have it. It's help just get
back to where you need to be.
So, don't self diagnose what
you have. go to someone who would know.
Good Luck Blessings.
Irisheyes I've done quite a bit of research into mental illness because I was curious about it when I took Psych 101 at college. What you are describing does not sound like schizophrenia. Having a parent with the disease does make it more likely, but not an automatic thing. Some of the symptoms you describe sound more like a mix of a stress disorder and hypochondria.
I'm not saying that you are just over reacting, but some of the symptoms you described are not that abnormal. I'm not very social at all and I have had those moments in the dark when I thought someone else was in the room when I was really alone. Being social is all about what kind of person you are. I prefer to keep to myself because I just don't like to share too much at once.
Schizophrenia doesn't hit until a person is a bit older like twenty or older. From watching your mother and her behavior you were frightened and it could be more like PTSD. You said she got worse recently and that could very likely have set it off.
Most people with Schizophrenia don't recognize it as clearly. Instead of seeing a regular doctor for medications, I'd think about seeing a therapist. Sometimes just talking these feelings out can help. You are scared, worried and going through a rough times and the world always seems worse when life is tough.
Talk to your father, think about talking to a therapist and try not to read too much about symptoms. It'll only make you feel worse.
Hang in there. I hope you feel better. i agree with a lot of what Irisheyes said. I have had severe clinical depression many times over the years, and have worked as an RN for many years, mostly on Psychiatry. Also, I was abused at a very early age. Therapy has helped me understand the things that happened to me, and helped me to heal from them. Life can be good after you have received and used help.
Watching your mother's behaviour over the years, & being afraid of developing the same thing, it can be very easy to attribute your "symptoms" to the same cause as your mother's. Some of your symptoms are very common in young children, and don't indicate anything except the anxieties all young children feel at one time or another. It can be extremely frightening to think that the same thing is about to happen to you. You also describe some of your early experiences growing up with your mother. These would be bound to increase your anxiety. Anxiety can be experienced by means of many different symptoms, which you could easily assume are due to schizophrenia, even when they are not.
When you have depressions that return at a specific time of the year, you may think there is no reason for them, but there usually is a reason, and a therapist can help you understand & deal with it. If the cause was too frightening to think about, a child will often forget all about the real cause, and think it came out of nowhere. They will perhaps only remember what happened when it has become emotionally safe enough to do so. That was my experience.
It seems to me that the best thing to do would be to see your doctor and ask to be referred to someone for counselling and/or therapy. If you are under-age, tell your father first, and ask him to help you get help. If you are unable to talk to your father for some reason, ask a school counsellor to refer you to help.Or ask a priest, minister, or rabbi to help you get the help you need.
It doesn't make sense to suffer alone, thinking the worst. If you talk to someone who can help, it will make life a lot easier for you. And there is way more help out there than you can probably imagine. Life gets a lot better when you go for professional help, starting with your father if possible.
By the way, people who are worried they are developing schizophrenia usually, in my experience, don't have it. Especially if they have observed someone close to them suffering the disease, it is very, very easy to think that their experiences prove that they are getting it too.
That doesn't guarantee that you are never going to get it, of course. Anyone can develop it. But the best help is early help, especially from someone that you can trust. go for it! And good luck!!! This must be a very scary thing for a 14 year old to go through. I feel for you and I am really impressed with how self aware you are. You show a good connection with reality, your thoughts are organized and you are intellectually mature for your age. These are all VERY positive attributes. Worry is a terrible yet comfortable blanket to carry around. With your life - it makes perfect sense to worry,worry,worry - I mean if you aren't worrying - something must be up right? I think you have some valid concerns here - I would print out this list and keep a running ledger of anything else I was concerned about. Keep a journal for a month and then review it. See if things still seem the same when you are out of the immediate situation. Take your journal to the doctor's with you. I think that would be a super pro-active and impressive thing for a 14 year old - actually for anyone, to do. It is important to feel like we are at least trying to get a handle on our world. I think a lot of the things you are feeling are natural reactions to your environment and I think you have a good head on your shoulders! Ask for help - if anything is wrong - by catching it early - the problem will be much less than letting it slide. You are in my thoughts and prayers - Keep on keepin' on! hmm. i'm not educated, i'm sorry, but i do know what schizophrenia's like. it sounds like you might have some early stages. talk to your father about it. don't stress, kay? it doesn't help at all.
hope i helped a little bit. |
