How to cope with the stress of passing away of my mother?

I was blessed with a son on 28th of feb but lost my mother on 26th march.I couldn't meet her after becoming a mother. She couldn't even see my son for whom she was anxiously wating and praying. Throughout my pregnancy also we didn't meet. I really feel so sad. I am not able to enjoy my motherhood at all, the moment i see my son growing i am really feeling even more depressed. It has become very difficult to sleep. I just keep on thinking about her. I am 33 and she was 62. During the end days she suffered a lot but due to him being so small and the long distance departing us i could not even do anything for her. I really feel so sad that i could not even serve her. Through out her life she did so much for me but the time she needed me i couldn't be with her. I am really tensed that i feel like hurting myself. I am really angry with God as i just asked him that let me meet my mother once, let her the little angle just once He took her away before we could reach her. Wha should i do !!

don't give up on God now! You need Him more than ever.She loves you and your son.She was just happy she was going to be a grandma even if God took her sooner than you or her wanted.
For you..

Mother,
You guided me through life. May I guide my children to be like you...
You dried my tears,
rocked me gently.
You dabbed my cuts,
and promised me safety,
when I was small.

You held your nerve,
and watched me grow,
let me find my way,
let me blossom.

You guided me through teenage years,
kept time when I stayed out late.
You taught me how to learn from my mistakes.

Now I am a woman,
and a mother too.
I hope for my own children,
I can be a mom as wonderful as you.

nice to hear from you ..
*hugs* Report Abuse

You should remember her and all the great things about her. Enjoy and remember the time that you had with her and know that she will always be with you. I don't know what you believe in, but it sounds like you loved her very much. Never forget that feeling and share that love with your child. I'm sure she's had the opportunity to meet your son, even though you couldn't see it. Know that her spirit lives on and it will. God Bless.

There is no real way to get rid of your pain and stress comes and goes threw time. The only think you can do is go on with your like as ussual. Its normal to feel sad, death is just a part of life an we all seem to go threw some death in the family sooner or later.... I hope you find this advice good and I hope you feel better soon. Try to remember the good times.......

It's going to be ok. We make mistakes. The problem is you're still thinking about the past. What you have to do now is what you can. (take care of your son) and also know that your mom is no longer suffering. I'm sorry for the loss. What helps me is to think positive about life and think about what you can do instead of what you should have done.

You need to seek professional help as soon as you can. They can help you as you talk about all the feelings you're going through. I was in a similar situation. I was 24 and my mother passed when she was 54. Don't hurt yourself, get help. Talk to your doctor.

this too, shall pass. give your son the love she would have lavished on him - you have to love him for two now. In time you will see that you are not to blame. I am sure your mother knew what she meant to you and she was pleased your son was safe and happy.

I'm so sorry. First of all, I know you feel bad you weren't there a lot in the end but she knew you wanted to be. I understand you being upset you weren't able to see her, but don't feel guilty about it. She had a mother's heart which is totally understanding and loving. You know I don't know why God allows some things to happen. It's comforting to know our loved ones are in a better place and want to be there, but it is unfair to us who are left behind missing them. I wish I could explain why things happen, but i'm afraid no one knows nor will we ever really understand. Once again Do Not Feel Guilty! It is not your fault you couldnt see her much. She didnt blame you and neither should you. I wish there was something I could say to help. I hope you feel better soon. Just know that she is so happy right now, and you will see her again someday.

listen Puja... you believe in God... so you must understand that there is a circle of life... People have to come and go... it was sad to hear about your mother's demise... but now, think about the Kid... what has he done... has he committed a crime by coming to this world... if you are neglecting his growth, you might not be able to answer god....
I know how you are feeling right now... your mom wanted you to become mother... why?? because she wanted to see that you have come to her level of maturity when she was of your age... Never say that you might not have done anythign for your mom... when you think about doing something, half of your sins are gone.... you had good and pure intentions of serving you mom... thats more than enough... you cant change the past.. but you are spoiling the future of your child... I know its hard for you to conceal your feelings and get ahead in life... but so does everyone... but the life has to go on...
and who says that your mother has gone... she is there in front of you.. in your lap in the form of a kid... her genes flows down to that kid... dont you think you can repay your mom by loving and taking care of your kid???
its pretty hard for anyone in here to understand and console the feelings you have... but being and indian myself, i can understand... if not console... loook at the positive side of everything.. however tough it is... your child is there on your lap, waiting for his mother to love him... everyone comes with a duty in this world... may be your duty is to bring a man out of your child, which is far more greater than serving your mom.. your mom did the same and parted from this world... you have to do the same... love is not a barter system, which can be repayed in some other way.. it has to be paid with love only... be it to anyone else..
your mom lives with you..
dont hurt yourself...

You should know that your mother can now be with you all the time. You shouldn't be thinking that you aren't with her. You are. You really, truly are with her. She knew, and still knows that you loved her. Just because you cannot see her in person, does not mean you can't see her in spirit. Go get your picture book, and look through the pictures of you and your mother. Look at the good times you were having when those pictures were taken. Know that that is what your mother loved your for, you were her precious angel for 33 years, she couldn't have been more blessed.

My deepest wishes to you, and your son, he is your precious angel. Just know that without your mother, your son wouldn't be here today. Your mother opened the doors for you, and you should continue to hold that door open for your families future generations.

Let me join with the others, here, in offering you condolences on your loss. Go to http://www.mind.org.uk/ and type "grief" in the taskbar, and enter. Call: The Grief Recovery Institute (U.S.A.) 1-800-445-4808, or Hospice (phone book). Email jo@samaritans.org Chatrooms and forums: http://www.chatmag.com/topics/health/gri... and http://talkingminds.15.forumer.com/ and http://messageboards.ivillage.com/ Other websites: http://www.griefnet.org/ and http://www.helpguide.org/ (coping, supporting others, loss of relationship, or pet) and http://www.mental-health-abc.com/ and http://www.boblivingstone.com/?q=node30 and http://www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk/ Understand that there are often several stages of grief.

The stages are:

Denial: The initial stage: "It can't be happening."
Anger: "Why ME? It's not fair?!" (either referring to God, oneself, or anybody perceived, rightly or wrongly, as "responsible")
Bargaining: "Just let me live to see my son graduate."
Depression: "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"
Acceptance: "It's going to be OK."
K眉bler-Ross originally applied these stages to any form of catastrophic personal loss (job, income, freedom). This also includes the death of a loved one and divorce. K眉bler-Ross also claimed these steps do not necessarily come in order, nor are they all experienced by all patients, though she stated a person will always experience at least two.

See http://www.amazon.com/ for books on the various stages. After a while, consider making a photoalbum/scrapbook and/or a shrine, in remembrance, and set aside one day per month on which to reflect. Many religious organisations offer counselling, or you may feel more comfortable with a therapist, to express your thoughts, and feelings. Journalling may help in this. If there is depression: visit your doctor, and see depression treatments, at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris in section 2.
Suggested Resources on Grief and Mourning: Beyond Grief: A guide for recovering from the death of a loved one; New Harbinger Productions Inc. 5674 Shattock Ave, Oakland, CA 94609 Phone: 1-800-784-6273

Simon, S, & Drantell, J. J. (1998). A Music I No Longer Heard: The Early Death of a Parent.

James, J. W. & Friedman, R. (1998). The Grief Recovery Handbook, Collins. Grollman, E. (1995). Living when a Loved One has Died, Beacon Press.

Livingstone, B. (Planned August, 2007). The Body-Mind-Soul Solution: Healing Emotional Pain through Exercise, Pegasus Books. ~~~

You may well be suffering from postpartum depression and/or grief related depression: the latter is situational, or exogenous, and usually responds best to something like Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, but the former is endogenous, related to the cessation of biochemicals which your body produced during pregnancy.

As shown above, anger can be a result of grief, but anger which is not dealt with in a healthy manner may result in depression.

Page Z.4, in section 2, at ezy build, refers to postpartum, or post natal depression, but I suggest that you view page R first, then Z.4; female depression, page V, then the first 3 pages, and the rest of that section.