Returning to this specific college is causing me ALOT OF STRESS and anxiety.

So I used to go to a University, but I lost housing because of the fault of the school. My parents could not afford off campus housing, so, like it was nothing, they said i should go to a community college.

I went to this community college for one term and I was going through a severe manic episode. I also met this awesome girl there, that helped me get a 3.93 GPA by making me happy. I had a lot of good memories there, not just because of the girl, but my mood was really euphoric at that time. Anyways my reckless mood and constant drug abuse drove her away (she was a pot smoker, but she thought i was tooo extreme). She was also VERY jealous, since I was manic, i always wanted to be around someone, and if not her, i would go chill with my university friends, a lot of them were female. She didn't trust me...

Now I can go back to university this, but my parents have switched up their mind. They are telling me its better I go to community college for another year and then transfer off to those cheap city universities. They can't afford this university, and refuse to take out loans or cosign loans for me( I have horrible credit, and i only get a 2K student loan)

THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANT, im dreading going back to this community college, im getting horrible feelings, just thinking of the classrooms and the people i met there, the parking lot, the professors, ITS FREAKING DEPRESSING ME, but i am still manic right now, so i am REALLY imbalanced right now, im smoking 2 packs a day, smoking ALOT of weed, and just having a whole load of sex.

Im afraid that if go this college, im going to have a destructive mixed episode that will ruin everything. I miss my university soo much, living at home is soo horrible. The people, the dorms, the food diners, it was sooo much fun, even with depressive episodes, something about it just gave me a feeling of peace, and its all gone, and im going out of my mind.

Is it possible to have suicidal thoughts when you are manic?

Hmmm. Why don't you stop whining, make a doctor appt, avoid the mixed state and depression crash, and assume responsibility for managing your illness and your life???? I have bipolar, too, and personally I wouldn't invest in your education, either. You sound out of control and irresponsible as well as self-centered. Perhaps it's just the mania, but dude, if you can type this, you aren't *that* manic. I'd bet that if you did get on meds and maybe seriously work with a therapist on managing stress, etc, for a year or so, you could convince your parents that you'd grown up enough to make the university education worthwhile. Right now, what would the degree mean? Not much because if you got a job, you'd loose it as soon as you swung. Meaning, the education would be wasted money. So, go reassess your priorities and make some sacrifices of your own instead of complaining about what sacrifices your parents aren't willing to make for you.

To answer your last question, yes.

I am bipolar. During one of my manic episodes I did try to commit suicide. Lucky for me, God had other plans. That was several years ago. I am now getting the professional help that I need. I am going back to college this fall to pick up where I left off over 35 years ago.

I hope you will learn from my experience and get some help now. Don't do like I did and miss out on a lot of happiness in your life.

Your are probably not going to like the following advice but you do have to come to grips with it. Drug use, drinking, and looking for nothing more than a party high is not going to get a person very far in any college or university. A good indicator for you is the fact that you have bad credit, you can't qualify for a decent student loan, and even your parents are not willing to help you out. Some people are seeing what you are not or may be even denying.

How do I know these things? Alcohol was my down fall. I had a full ride scholarship, books and tuition, for a 4-year college education. I would let things get to me and found myself blaming others or certain situations for my problems. The alcohol didn't help.

You may not be willing to accept my advice or think that it is too corny. You may not be ready and willing to look at the situation and admit that there is a problem that you can do something about. I pray that this isn't the case.

Taking some time off to first get your life and finances straighten out should be your first priority. You indicated that you are a smart person. It was more you than your girl friend who got that high GPA. I hate seeing smart people not being able to do something productive with their lives.

Again, don't do like I did and take over 35 years to get things straight. You are young and it can probably be more easier for you to take charge of your situation now before it gets worse.

God bless. Go with the grace of God.